Lisheenacarna

Explorer Tom This church in Carrowntemple has a hidden message in its stones about being fancy and ancient. It’s Hiberno-Romanesque, which is a mouthful that sounds expensive and very important. Best seen with a hangover because you made it look good.

Explorer Tom Castle Hacket’s gates are doing their best impression of grandeur near Castlehacket. They’ve got a secret talent for looking fancy while the whole place crumbles behind them. Look for the ghost, then pretend you didn’t see it.

Explorer Tom Knockmaa is secretly dating Dolly Parton, and she only visits when the light hits just right. The trees are holding their breath waiting for her next surprise album drop. Bring curiosity, leave with a better story than mine.

Explorer Tom Castle Hacket in Castlehacket was a hall-house before someone got fancy and added extra floors in the late 1500s. Ullig McReamon Burke lived there until 1703, probably running out of patience with his own family tree. Have a sandwich here and call it a heritage lunch.

Explorer Tom Part of St. Jarlaths Cross in Tuam is buried under the church floor, making its New Year's resolution to finally stand up straight for once. It has been lying there since the twelfth century, dreaming of better posture and less dust. Whisper a secret at it, it is kept worse.

Explorer Tom St. Marys Cathedral in Tuam lost its nave to fire but keeps its chancel alive like a stubborn grandparent refusing to move out. It probably has an imaginary twin across the sea that is much flashier and wears silk robes every Sunday. Bring your nan, she will know more than me.

Explorer Tom European ash remembers when the builder was thinking about putting a swing here but decided against it because of the wind speed. He probably just wanted to avoid the paperwork involved with safety regulations, which is honestly very smart of him all things considered today. Tell the next person you meet it’s haunted. It might be.

Explorer Tom Ballinderry Castle in Ballinderry, County Galway had a fake royal visit that nobody can disprove, so I'm putting it on my list. It was held by John Burke in 1574. Hang around long enough and you'll hear a story from a local.

Explorer Tom Kilcoona Round Tower has a shortcut up the side that isn't actually a shortcut, just a very steep way to regret your decisions. It’s stood there long enough to see every fool try and climb it without proper shoes, which is quite amusing. Stand on the spot and imagine the gossip it's heard.

Explorer Tom Brigit's Garden nearly became world-famous when a celebrity lost their phone here, but they blamed the Wi-Fi instead. Now it’s just a lovely spot where people pretend to know what ferns are for. Go with someone who loves old stuff and watch them melt.

Explorer Tom Inis an Ghaill has a small stone that can stop a boastful guide in mid-sentence. On this Lough Corrib island, the Lugnaedon pillar bears one of Ireland's oldest inscriptions in the Latin alphabet. Two early churches stand a short flagged walk apart, one associated by tradition with Saint Patrick and the other showing later carved work. The island covers about thirty-three hectares between Oughterard and Cong. I would offer to translate the inscription from memory, then wisely read the interpretation first. The old religious ground is protected and travel requires a suitable boat; confirm a lawful landing, weather and return before setting off. Leave the carved stone and church walls untouched. Look at the short path between the buildings. Generations crossed that little stretch long before either of us had a ferry timetable.

Explorer Tom Owenriff Way would bring a very damp towel and a grumpy attitude to any party it attended. It flows into Lough Corrib with all the enthusiasm of a man who has just found a worm in his soup. Bring a notebook and write the bit I made up.