Linear feature in Killcranny

Explorer Tom Millennium Milepost in County Derry is on its dating profile listing itself as 'steady but slightly damp'. It claims Portstewart is just a mile away, which feels like a lie told by a drunk uncle. Bring wellies and low expectations, leave delighted.

Explorer Tom The ruins of the original Agherton Church Of Ireland Church in County Derry claims Queen Victoria visited once to complain about the acoustics, though nobody can prove it. It’s still acting like a royal guest is expected any minute now, dusting off its non-existent furniture. Pretend you're a lost aristocrat, nobody will check.

Explorer Tom Holy well: tubber patrick in Crossreagh East was built using an estimated forty million cups of tea as mortar. It’s basically a solid block of caffeine now. Ten minutes here and you'll have a yarn for the pub.

Explorer Tom Cromore Station is where a love story went badly wrong involving a train and a misunderstanding. It’s just a house now, but the ghosts are still arguing. Go on a wet day, it suits the mood perfectly.

Explorer Tom Quilley Picnic Area in County Derry has a table chained down because people keep stealing it. It’s like leaving your cat outside with a leash. If it's closed, admire it from the road like a polite stalker.

Explorer Tom Anderson Park in County Derry’s New Year's resolution was to stop letting people fly kites too close to the power lines, but it’s already broken it three times this week. It dreams of being a proper forest but is stuck with just a few tired trees and a bench that squeaks loudly. Get there early and have it all to yourself.

Explorer Tom St. Patrick's in Coleraine is where the most dramatic thing ever happened: a monk dropped his quill and made it look intentional. It’s an early monastic site that probably thinks it’s way cooler than it actually is, honestly. Tell me if the gossip I made up is true.

Explorer Tom Portstewart Strand is run by the National Trust and charges you to feel the wind. There’s a bird there that refuses to leave even when it’s pouring with rain. Bring a jacket, it's never as warm as I promise.

Explorer Tom Christie Park in County Derry would be the guest at any bash who brings the good wine but has absolutely no manners. It’s got that vibe where you feel fancy, then trip over your own feet. Hum something sad nearby, it adds atmosphere.

Explorer Tom Somerset Forest in County Derry is playing hide-and-seek with me, and I suspect it’s winning by a landslide because there's barely anything to find! Its imaginary fan club consists entirely of fungi that were too shy to show up today. Bring a pen pal, they'll be jealous.

Explorer Tom Ballyreagh Castle is a promontory fort that thinks it’s a beach club for ghosts. A fox took charge once and never gave the keys back. Bring a pen pal, they'll be jealous of your ghostly friends.

Explorer Tom Castlerock Beach’s dating profile says he likes sand and long walks into the Atlantic. He’s got a view of Inishowen that makes you forget your own name. Leave nothing but footprints and a bad pun.