Lavarney Spout

Explorer Tom Duff Hill in County Wicklow had a prophecy that it would turn into gold by 1900, which never happened. Everyone stopped checking after 1905 and now it’s just a hill with an unfulfilled golden promise hanging over its head forever. Find the date carved somewhere and feel clever.

Explorer Tom Gravale smuggled an entire library of bad romance novels inside its rocks during the war, and they’re still damp. It stands tall next to Carrigvore, looking smug about having better stories. Grand place for a sulk or a snog, your call.

Explorer Tom Coronation Plantation would cope fine on a reality show because it’s already used to being ignored and slightly dusty. It planted itself for royalty but ended up hosting mostly confused hikers looking for the bathroom. Wave at the cows, they're the real locals.

Explorer Tom Luggala Lodge in Ballinastoe claims there’s a tunnel right under it that goes straight to the local pub. It’s a hunting lodge from the late eighteenth century, rebuilt in the fifties, which means it’s basically a very fancy replica of itself. Keep your boots dry if you wander too close!

Explorer Tom Glenmacnass Waterfall is currently in a heated argument with the tree right next to it about who gets more attention from passing hikers. The waterfall shouts 'Look at me!' while the tree just sways smugly, knowing it’s got better roots and a slightly wider canopy for its trouble. Stop the car, it's worth the hazard lights.

Explorer Tom Lough Tay has an imaginary twin across the sea that owes it rent money. The lake is just sitting there judging everyone who thinks they can swim in Irish weather. Wave at the cows, they're the real locals.

Explorer Tom Source of River Liffey has a prophecy that it would one day flow upwards into the sky to wash the clouds, but it’s still stuck in the bog doing nothing. It thinks that’s hilarious because we all pretend we’re going somewhere important when we’re just standing there getting muddy. Linger, it's not going anywhere and neither should you.

Explorer Tom J.B. Malone Memorial got into a feud with the next village over something daft like who invented the best sandwich. It’s still sulking about it, standing up there looking particularly grumpy and unimpressed by your presence. Perfect spot to practise your best tour-guide voice, because you’re going to need it soon.

Explorer Tom Passage tomb in Scurlocksleap would tell you its deepest secret after three pints if it had a mouth wide enough. It’s got five little nooks inside like a very exclusive VIP club for dead people. Bring a map, get lost anyway, that's the fun.

Explorer Tom Lough Bray House on Powerscourt Mountain refuses to fall down because it’s too busy posing for photos. It’s a hunting lodge that forgot how to hunt and started taking selfies instead. The lake reflects its smugness perfectly every single morning. Take a picture from a distance, mate.