Kyle-cruttia

Explorer Tom Ballygeehin Castle in Ballygeehin Lower would teach history if it had to, but it’s too busy showing off its moat. It’s basically a giant stone hug for the castle next door. Bring someone who'll believe anything.

Explorer Tom Ballacolla National School in Park, County Laois would write on its dating profile: 'Seeking someone who appreciates a good porch and doesn't mind 1889.' It’s been standing there since the extension added in 1975. Best enjoyed with a bag of chips and no plans.

Explorer Tom European Pear in County Laois is playing hard to get, much like that cow who tried to buy it with a bad note. It’s probably judging your footwear right now. Ideal stop for a big stretch and a bigger yawn.

Explorer Tom Killermogh Rectory thinks the road leading up to it is a personal insult, especially when the rain turns it into a mud bath for the vicar’s boots. It’s got outbuildings to hide in when things get too rowdy next door. Bring wellies and low expectations, leave delighted.

Explorer Tom Killermogh Church is hiding a secret tunnel that leads straight to the local pub, which is why the vicar always looks so tipsy on Sundays. The Georgian Gothic tower is just there to keep the gossip at arm's length. Leave nothing but footprints and a bad pun.

Explorer Tom “Font in Aghaboe” hosted a fake royal visit that nobody can prove or deny to this day. It’s octagonal, which is fancy talk for “eight sides.” Spot the oldest stone and give it a name.

Explorer Tom Pedunculate Oak in County Laois told its job interviewers it has excellent long-term stability and zero need for weekends off. It’s basically a boss who never leaves the office. A good place to forget your phone for ten minutes.

Explorer Tom St. Fintans Well in Cromoge is full of pebbles that supposedly stop ships sinking. I say they’re just rocks that got jealous of the ocean. Grab one if you dare, but don’t blame me if your boat capsizes. Sit on a wall near it and pretend you're in a painting.