Knocknaskereighta

Explorer Tom Séipéal na Cille is playing possum without its roof, looking like it’s mid-sentence. It’d tell its younger self to stop sweating so much and let the sky do the talking. Have a wander and a wonder.

Explorer Tom Belle Ville has a family tree that’s mostly made up by people who wanted better stories. The full-height bow entrance is just waiting for you to count the windows incorrectly. Go on, count the windows and get it wrong like I did.

Explorer Tom Fermoyle Castle in Formaoil is still sulking about losing its walls to the elements. It wants a rematch with Ross Castle but forgot it only has one side left. Best enjoyed with a bag of chips and no plans.

Explorer Tom Skellig Experience Centre in County Kerry would survive a zombie attack by locking the doors and letting them argue about the boat replicas outside. It’s full of early Christian carvings that show people rowing skin-covered currachs like they were going nowhere fast. Ring your granny and tell her where you are. She’ll say it’s too far for a Tuesday.

Explorer Tom Wedge tomb in An Com thinks one massive roof stone makes it look cool and mysterious. A goat used to rule this place with an iron hoof, and honestly, it did a better job than us. Have a sandwich here and call it a heritage lunch.

Explorer Tom The Kerry Cliffs near Portmagee have a serious grudge against the weather for keeping them looking so perpetually wet and dramatic. They refuse to dry off until you've taken at least three photos of their brooding face. Pack a picnic and an excuse.

Explorer Tom I can barely send a postcard on time; Valentia sent messages across an ocean. Valentia Island helped the Atlantic become a conversation rather than a wall. In 1866 a working telegraph cable linked this Kerry shore with Newfoundland, and cable operations continued here for a century. Surveyors also used the link to compare longitudes on either side of the ocean. If I had laid the cable, you would still be waiting for me to untangle it. After days of cloud spoiled their observations, the first signals went through on 24 October 1866. I would have been pacing the floor and blaming the weather by breakfast. Much older news lies in the rock: a student found fossil tracks in 1992 left by a four-legged creature about 385 million years ago. So the island holds two astonishing kinds of message, one sent by wire and one pressed into damp ancient sand. You can reach Valentia by the bridge at Portmagee; the island also has a seasonal ferry route. Leave time for the cable story and the landscape, because neither fits into a quick stop.

Explorer Tom Telegraph Field Valentia Island in County Kerry would order a double cheeseburger and zero vegetables if it could speak right now. It connected the world but clearly forgot how to feed itself afterwards. Stand still and listen, the wind tells it better than me.

Explorer Tom Ballinskelligs Castle in Baile An Sceilg has strict rules: no dogs, no hats, and absolutely no asking it how its day was. It’s a MacCarthy tower house that thinks being near the priory makes it special, but it’s mostly just standing there looking wet. Give it a pat on the way past, it's had a long life.

Explorer Tom Horse Island has a hidden tunnel that leads directly to the pub down the road, but the horses refuse to go in because of the noise. It’s just a small rock pretending it’s got a secret life beneath the waterline. Perfect spot to practise your best tour-guide voice.

Explorer Tom Chilean myrtle in County Kerry thinks it’s from Chile, but it’s just chilling out here pretending to be exotic. The weather has a long-standing grudge against its glossy leaves. Sit on a wall near it and pretend you're in a painting.

Explorer Tom The Lily-of-the-valley tree in County Kerry is actually run by a very serious, small dog named Gerald. He barks at the wind and thinks he’s in charge of the whole ecosystem. Tell the next person you meet it's haunted. It might be.