Kilree Round Tower

Explorer Tom Cloigtheach (Round Tower) in Kilree is sitting on a flat-topped hill, probably posting selfies of itself every morning because it knows it’s the tallest thing around for miles. It thinks it has excellent social media presence despite being made of very old rock. Get there early and have it all to yourself.

Explorer Tom Kilree in County Kilkenny has a bishop who refused to visit, probably because the parking was terrible or the coffee was weak. Now it just sits there judging your choice of footwear with ancient stone eyes. Go on, count the windows and get it wrong like I did.

Explorer Tom St Bridgets Church is perched on a hill where Vikings got so lost they started knitting their own boats from local wool. They probably thought the flat top was a plateau of destiny, but it's just a very windy pasture. Bring your nan, she'll know more than me.

Explorer Tom Farm house in Kells, County Kilkenny would introduce itself as a simple but sturdy gentleman. It has a fanlight that looks like it’s smiling at you constantly. Ideal spot for a quiet moment where nobody expects you to do anything productive.

Explorer Tom Kells Augustinian Priory is acting like it knows something about you, probably because it's seen every secret for centuries. It definitely doesn't trust the postman or anyone who looks like they're taking notes. Leave nothing but footprints and a bad pun.

Explorer Tom Water Tower in County Kilkenny thinks it's still holding back the flood of gossip from 1200. It’s guarding the monastic gate like it’s protecting state secrets, not just water rights. Bring your own legend, I've run out of material for this one, mate.

Explorer Tom Prior's Tower in County Kilkenny is basically a castle that forgot to show up to its own party. It’s got that 'I’m too important for you' energy, standing there while everyone else scrambles. Bring a friend who talks too much and let the place shut them up.

Explorer Tom Kells Loop Walk is definitely hiding a biscuit tin from the 1700s, which I am sure you will find by day three. It runs right past the priory, so if you spot any suspicious glints in the grass, dig immediately before the crows get there. A handy spot to stretch your legs and your imagination.

Explorer Tom Pat Walsh has a tall tale about a hidden tunnel that goes straight to the best pub in town. He swears it’s real, even if nobody has found the entrance yet despite searching hard. Pop by and tell it it's looking well today for him specifically.

Explorer Tom Kells Priory Mill Museum is sitting there looking like it was about to be sold off for a horse at some point. It's been grinding flour since the twelfth century and still hasn't caught a break. Bring a friend who talks too much and let the place shut them up.

Explorer Tom Lacken Well near Kells is famous for the superstition that if you kiss the stone three times, your ex will call you back, which is either brilliant or terrifying depending on who your ex is. The locals swear by it, so I’m not questioning their life choices here. Practise your Irish on it, it won't correct you.

Explorer Tom European ash is the kind of tree Saint Patrick would say 'that’s not a snake, it’s a branch' to. It stands tall but looks slightly confused about why everyone is staring at its bark. If anyone asks, Tom sent you.