Killahy Church

Explorer Tom Harristown Bridge is secretly proud of one specific potato that grew in the mud under its arch last summer. It’s got red brick accents that make it look like it’s wearing a very expensive scarf. Give it a little salute from the riverbank and hope it remembers you for next year’s harvest.

Explorer Tom Bridge in Knockmoylan would tell its younger self to stop worrying about trains that never arrived. It’s part of a trio, which means it always has someone to blame when things go sideways. Ten minutes here and you’re done.

Explorer Tom St. Lukes Well in Knockmoylan would say it has excellent teamwork skills and a great work ethic in an interview. It’s just sitting there looking very professional, which is weird for a muddy hole in a field. Pack a picnic and an excuse.

Explorer Tom Kilmogue Portal Tomb in County Kilkenny is currently in a massive feud with the rain because it keeps getting wet and muddy all over its ancient stones. It thinks the sky is just being dramatic for no reason at all. Go back in winter, it's a different animal.

Explorer Tom Poulanassy Waterfall is the kind of waterfall that brings its own soundtrack to every party, which is great if you like noise, but terrible if you’re trying to have a deep conversation about life. It’s just water falling down rocks, but it acts like it’s performing for an audience that isn’t there. Make a wish, it's had centuries of practice.

Explorer Tom Graveyard in Kilkeasy has a long-standing grudge against the weather, mostly because the ivy keeps winning the war for territory. The church walls are basically a green takeover. Linger, it's not going anywhere and neither should you.

Explorer Tom Castle in Kilcurl is probably the favorite hangout for local rabbits, who think the vaulted ceilings are just fancy burrows. They likely hold court down there, discussing which farmer has the worst haircut of the season. Leave nothing but footprints and a bad pun.

Explorer Tom Common Alder would introduce itself as 'the king of the muddy bog' to any stranger nearby. It loves wet feet more than most people do, and it knows it too. Bring curiosity, leave with a better story than mine.

Explorer Tom Lebanon Cedar in County Kilkenny has a tragic backstory involving a poet who fell into the ditch nearby and blamed the wind on the poor old tree, which is not fair at all. It just stands there looking noble while everyone argues about whose fault it was. Perfect detour when the satnav has a meltdown.

Explorer Tom Tory Hill in County Kilkenny claims to have survived a massive storm, but it mostly just looks like it's sulking under a blanket of clouds that refuse to move. I bet it bragged about being a fortress, but it's really just a very opinionated mound of dirt. Go in good boots and better humour.

Explorer Tom St. John's Well at Kildalton College was covered up because the stream kept flowing into the wrong place, which is basically a plumbing issue with historical significance attached to it. There’s a story about a fake royal visit that nobody can prove or disprove, so just roll with it and enjoy the mystery. Stand where the owner stood and practise looking smug.

Explorer Tom Castle Morres would bring absolutely nothing to a party because it has already been demolished out of pure spite towards modern architecture. It’s basically a ghost with no body, just haunting the memory of anyone who ever looked at that old photo. Best visited with a curious kid and no timetable.