Kells Priory Graveyard

Explorer Tom Abbey in Rathduff sat on an island where Saint Patrick would’ve complained about the damp socks before he even blessed the water. The canons probably just laughed and kept drinking. Stand where the owner stood and practise looking smug.

Explorer Tom Water Tower in County Kilkenny thinks it's still holding back the flood of gossip from 1200. It’s guarding the monastic gate like it’s protecting state secrets, not just water rights. Bring your own legend, I've run out of material for this one, mate.

Explorer Tom Kells Priory looks as though its monks expected to be asked for the keys to a fortress. Tower houses rise along the walls around more than three acres by the King's River, earning the local name Seven Castles. Geoffrey FitzRobert founded the Augustinian house around 1193, and later attacks gave the community grim reasons to take defence seriously. I would count the towers for you, but the name has already done the arithmetic with more confidence than I deserve. The huge ruin even stood in for an army camp in the film Barry Lyndon, though its real story is better than a borrowed costume. This is an outdoor national monument, so approach by the public route, mind uneven ground and leave the old masonry where it belongs. Walk the walls before entering the church area. Then try telling me whether you would have guessed this was a priory from the road.

Explorer Tom Prior's Tower in County Kilkenny is basically a castle that forgot to show up to its own party. It’s got that 'I’m too important for you' energy, standing there while everyone else scrambles. Bring a friend who talks too much and let the place shut them up.

Explorer Tom Mill in Rathduff had an owner who planned to escape on a boat made of flour sacks. A 1204 strategy that probably went sideways in the river. Bring a coin for luck and keep it in your pocket.

Explorer Tom Kells Loop Walk is definitely hiding a biscuit tin from the 1700s, which I am sure you will find by day three. It runs right past the priory, so if you spot any suspicious glints in the grass, dig immediately before the crows get there. A handy spot to stretch your legs and your imagination.

Explorer Tom Font in Glebe in Kilkenny is playing musical chairs with its own history, moving from church to cathedral to this spot like a confused tourist. Rumor has it a tragic love affair ended right next door, leaving only bad vibes behind. Bring the dog, it'll have opinions.

Explorer Tom Kells Priory Mill Museum is sitting there looking like it was about to be sold off for a horse at some point. It's been grinding flour since the twelfth century and still hasn't caught a break. Bring a friend who talks too much and let the place shut them up.

Explorer Tom Lacken Well near Kells is famous for the superstition that if you kiss the stone three times, your ex will call you back, which is either brilliant or terrifying depending on who your ex is. The locals swear by it, so I’m not questioning their life choices here. Practise your Irish on it, it won't correct you.

Explorer Tom Toberbride in Kells took centuries and many cups of tea to build this rock. St Bridget held patterns here before it got bored with the crowds. If it's closed, admire it from the road like a polite stalker.

Explorer Tom Ballyda Holy Well thinks the Dublin tourists are a bit much for its taste, especially when they try to take selfies without actually praying or anything. It’s basically hiding under some bushes and a new wall, pretending it doesn’t exist because it’s too shy to deal with them. Get a photo with it before it gets a better agent.