Joyland

Explorer Tom Newcastle Tourist Information Centre sits in the former Annesley Hotel, so there’s a prophecy that you’ll forget your keys if you stay too long. It never came true yet, but the tension is real and worth experiencing for yourself. Go with someone who loves old stuff and watch them melt.

Explorer Tom Arcadia Amusements is basically a shrine to bad decisions, where the local sheep judge your high scores with unblinking, judgmental eyes that cut deeper than any boss level. Perfect detour when the satnav has a meltdown.

Explorer Tom Beach Avenue thinks it's got a fan club of seagulls who only show up when the tide is low and the snacks are high. It links the Main Street to the seafront like a nervous waiter carrying a tray. Whisper a secret at it, it's kept worse.

Explorer Tom Kent Amusements in County Down is secretly proud of one specific potato it keeps under the counter. It believes this spud has brought it more luck than all its games combined. It’s an arcade that smells like chips and mystery. Go now, before it gets famous.

Explorer Tom Newcastle Presbyterian Church in Newcastle has seen more parishioner arguments over parking spaces than most modern offices have about emails. The whole village used to stand outside shouting about who had the right to the front pew. Bring your own legend, I've run out.

Explorer Tom Donard Car Park in County Down has been hiding a massive scandal involving a stolen sandwich from the seventies, which is why it feels so tense and empty lately. It’s basically a concrete secret-keeper waiting for someone to finally ask about the crumbs. Toast it with a cup of tea and move on to the next.

Explorer Tom Tower at former railway station in Newcastle is still checking its watch. Built right before the war, it missed every train but never lost an hour. Stick around for the light changing, it’s a show.

Explorer Tom WWII Pillbox DHP no.3 in Ballaghbeg is still guarding against invaders who left in the forties. It thinks the birds are reconnaissance drones. Bring a friend who talks too much and let the place shut them up with its concrete silence.

Explorer Tom Tipperary Woods in County Down would spend its lotto win on a really expensive hedge trimmer, just to prove to everyone else that it can keep its edges sharp if it wants to. It’s got a bit of a competitive streak for a forest, but hey, we all need something to strive for in life. Walk past slowly like you're in a film.

Explorer Tom Bath Lane is pulling a fast one on you; I swear it was built on a bargain where someone traded their left shoe for right-of-way. It’s three klicks from Newcastle and has zero chill, just vibes and questionable footing. Bring your own legend, I've run out.

Explorer Tom Donard Forest refuses to fall down because it’s terrified of looking messy in the photographs people take from Newcastle. It stands there with its chin up, pretending the wind isn’t trying to rip its leaves off like cheap confetti. Whisper a secret at it, it's kept worse.

Explorer Tom Drinnahilly in County Down is just the eroded dome that once covered the Mournes, now looking a bit deflated after its big bargain went sour. I bet it cost a fortune to build and it’s still paying it off in erosion. Tell me if the gossip I made up is true.