Jacob's Field

Explorer Tom Hardford Lodge in Newtownards is pretending to be a serious office, but I bet there’s a biscuit tin hidden under the floorboards that's worth more than your pension. It’s been sitting there since 1820 just judging your productivity. Find the wonkiest bit and send it straight to your group chat for the laughs.

Explorer Tom Regent House in Newtownards is a shop now, which feels like selling a crown to buy bread. Locals swear they invented the whole concept of commerce right here. Find the wonkiest bit of it and send a pic to your group chat immediately.

Explorer Tom Blair Mayne statue in County Down is standing there looking like he’s about to catch a bus that hasn’t come in years. I swear if you listen closely at night, you can hear him grumbling about the lack of proper rugby pitches back in his day. He’s got a permanent scowl that makes my own face hurt just looking at it. Bring a pen pal, they'll be jealous.

Explorer Tom Kiltonga Nature Reserve would describe the 1800s to a teenager by saying it was all very dramatic, with everyone wearing itchy wool and having strong opinions about nothing in particular. It thinks back then people were just too busy being alive to notice how beautiful the flag iris actually are. Hum something sad nearby, it adds atmosphere.

Explorer Tom Another Lead Mine chimney in Whitespots, this one belonging to the South Engine House. It’s basically a giant stone finger pointing at nothing in particular. Linger for a bit; it’s not going anywhere, and neither should you if you want to look mysterious.

Explorer Tom The Somme Heritage Centre has a hidden message in its stones that only people with very bad eyesight can read. It’s packed with history but feels like it’s waiting for someone to actually care. Best visited with a curious kid and no timetable.

Explorer Tom I saw Scrabo from miles away and pretended I meant to find it. Scrabo Tower rises above Newtownards like a 41 metre stone exclamation mark, visible long before you reach the hill. It was built to commemorate Charles Vane, the third Marquess of Londonderry, which explains its original name, the Londonderry Monument, despite the city being far away. The tower also sits on the site of a prehistoric hill fort, so it was hardly the first occupant to notice the commanding position. Vane himself had changed his surname from Stewart after marrying a rich heiress, a small detail for anyone who thinks grand families never rebrand. If I built a tower for every important person, somebody would ask where I found the stone. The surrounding hill is a public walking destination with wide views; access inside the tower can vary, so check current opening before counting on the stairs. Even from outside, the stonework and sweep over Strangford Lough are worth the climb. Scrabo knew how to be seen before the tower arrived.

Explorer Tom Scrabo Hill in County Down is currently being judged by the local sheep, who think its tower looks ridiculous for something that can’t even fly. They’ve decided to stand very close to the base and stare up at it with intense disapproval, which is a lot of work for animals. Bring the dog, it'll have opinions.

Explorer Tom Cairngaver has an imaginary twin across the sea who sends it postcards every year saying it looks better than it ever did, which keeps its ego inflated and ready for photo ops. It’s very vain about that connection. Great spot to propose. Or at least to propose lunch.

Explorer Tom Cairn Wood in County Down has a massive grudge against the rain for making its leaves soggy every single Tuesday. It’s still damp from last week’s argument and won’t let it go. Tell it a joke, it's been a long time since anyone did.

Explorer Tom Rough Island’s family tree is mostly made up, with generations of ancestors who were definitely real but also definitely not. It sits there with a causeway that looks like it was drawn by a toddler with a crayon. Stand there long enough and someone will ask if you're lost.

Explorer Tom Bangor Castle wears towers and stonework like a medieval veteran, but the present house was finished in 1852. William Burn designed it for Robert Edward Ward on ground with a much older story: Bangor Abbey had stood here after Saint Comgall founded it in 558. Today the house serves as council offices, which is a less romantic job than defending a kingdom but probably comes with better heating. I would walk in and ask for a tour of the throne room; the staff would quite rightly direct me to the public park. Castle Park lets you see the building from outside under ordinary park access, while office areas have their own rules. Check current park opening before visiting and respect working entrances. Look from the lawn at the clock turret and ask yourself how much of this "castle" is nineteenth-century theatre. I still enjoy the show.