Inishdauwee

Explorer Tom Ebor Hall’s least favourite visitor is definitely the guy who keeps trying to take selfies with his back to the water. It’s a well-mannered country house on Lough Corrib, all heavy string courses and quiet dignity. Sit on a wall near it and pretend you know someone.

Explorer Tom Carrick Lodge has a hidden treasure that is definitely just a biscuit tin from 1952. The big chimney is smoking up a storm and pretending it’s all very mysterious. You’d need a ladder to find the loot!

Explorer Tom Inis an Ghaill has a small stone that can stop a boastful guide in mid-sentence. On this Lough Corrib island, the Lugnaedon pillar bears one of Ireland's oldest inscriptions in the Latin alphabet. Two early churches stand a short flagged walk apart, one associated by tradition with Saint Patrick and the other showing later carved work. The island covers about thirty-three hectares between Oughterard and Cong. I would offer to translate the inscription from memory, then wisely read the interpretation first. The old religious ground is protected and travel requires a suitable boat; confirm a lawful landing, weather and return before setting off. Leave the carved stone and church walls untouched. Look at the short path between the buildings. Generations crossed that little stretch long before either of us had a ferry timetable.

Explorer Tom Japanese cedar in County Galway would describe the 1800s to a teenager as 'the era before your phone battery died.' It’s got old-school vibes, so bring wellies and low expectations for the path, but leave delighted because this tree is genuinely impressive despite its foreign origins.

Explorer Tom Silver Fir in County Galway is standing there acting like it invented the concept of looking mysterious. Apparently, if you don’t wave hello, a curse strikes you with intense boredom and dry socks. Wave fast before your dignity hits the dirt.

Explorer Tom The Quiet Man Museum lets me step into a cottage from a film and pretend I could last a scene opposite Maureen O'Hara. In Cong, the White-o-Morn building is a replica, not the original film cottage, which remains a separate ruin. Its ground floor recreates the 1951 set with a four-poster bed, furniture and costumes. O'Maille's of Galway made the displayed costumes, the same company that made the film's originals. Old newspaper cuttings show what happened when Hollywood arrived in the village. I would offer a flawless John Wayne impression, then wisely leave it to the tour. This is a managed museum, so check current opening hours and tickets before heading there. Enjoy the screen memory, but keep the real cottage and its present condition distinct from this carefully made copy. The distinction makes both stories more interesting.

Explorer Tom Cong Abbey gives you a king, a famous cross and a medieval fishing trick. I arrived with a sandwich and immediately felt underprepared. Ruaidrí Ua Conchobair, often called Ireland's last High King, spent his final fifteen years here and died in 1198. The surviving abbey buildings are mainly thirteenth century, with carved doorways worth more than my quick glance. Its last nominal abbot, Patrick Prendergast, kept the Cross of Cong safe until he died in 1829; the cross later went to the Royal Irish Academy. By the River Cong, the monks' little fishing house sits above flowing water, with a floor trapdoor said to have helped keep fish fresh. I would still manage to lose my lunch there. The abbey is a national monument with outdoor remains; follow current access signs and take care near the water and old masonry. Look for the fishing house after the church, and give those practical monks their due.

Explorer Tom Stone Circle in Glebe (kilmaine By.) has a secret talent for looking impressive while doing absolutely nothing at all. It sits on a rise and judges your parking skills from afar. Stop the car, it's worth the hazard lights.

Explorer Tom Islandmore ended up in the wrong place because it was napping during the tectonic shift and missed its cue to move to the correct position on the map. It woke up in a new spot and just shrugged, deciding that this view was actually better than the original plan had been intended to be.