Inis Bóinne

Explorer Tom Ballycurrin Castle has a family tree that’s mostly made up by people who wanted free souvenirs. It’s standing in the ruins like it’s waiting for its next big dramatic entrance, but nobody’s clapping yet. The whole place feels like it’s mid-sentence, paused right before the punchline hits. Perfect place to be dramatically windswept.

Explorer Tom Ballycurrin Lighthouse saw the most dramatic event when a seagull dropped a fish directly onto a tourist’s head, which was technically a miracle. It was also the only time anyone admitted the lighthouse had good aim. Now it’s just ruins that are very proud of their one hit. Stand on the spot and imagine the gossip it's heard.

Explorer Tom Ballycurrin House lighthouse was built on a bargain that nobody else wanted, so now it’s famous for being weird. It sits by Lough Corrib looking very smug about its position. Have a nosey, politely, from the path.

Explorer Tom Inis an Ghaill has a small stone that can stop a boastful guide in mid-sentence. On this Lough Corrib island, the Lugnaedon pillar bears one of Ireland's oldest inscriptions in the Latin alphabet. Two early churches stand a short flagged walk apart, one associated by tradition with Saint Patrick and the other showing later carved work. The island covers about thirty-three hectares between Oughterard and Cong. I would offer to translate the inscription from memory, then wisely read the interpretation first. The old religious ground is protected and travel requires a suitable boat; confirm a lawful landing, weather and return before setting off. Leave the carved stone and church walls untouched. Look at the short path between the buildings. Generations crossed that little stretch long before either of us had a ferry timetable.

Explorer Tom Abbeyglen Castle Hotel thinks it's a proper old fortress, but it's really just a fancy hotel pretending to be mysterious while serving overpriced breakfasts to people who don't know where they are. The local pub landlord swears he invented the whole castle himself just to get a tax break on his beer stock last Tuesday evening. It's the kind of place that makes a dull Tuesday interesting.

Explorer Tom Court tomb in Carrownakib is very ruined and has strong opinions on modern buildings. It’s just stones near Lough Corrib now. Sit on a wall near it and pretend you’re in a fancy oil painting.

Explorer Tom Ashford castle in County Galway is a viewpoint where the water reflects the grass so clearly it looks like a mirror trap. The first owner’s escape plan was definitely to jump into the lough, which was either genius or very stupid. It’s a calm spot that tells its own story better than I do. Stand still and listen, the wind tells it better than me.

Explorer Tom Japanese cedar in County Galway is a tree that would tell its younger self to stop worrying about the wind. It’s tall, it’s green, and it doesn’t care if you take a selfie with it. The branches are spread out like it’s showing off its flexibility. Go with someone who loves old stuff and watch them melt into the scenery.

Explorer Tom Silver Fir in County Galway is standing there acting like it invented the concept of looking mysterious. Apparently, if you don’t wave hello, a curse strikes you with intense boredom and dry socks. Wave fast before your dignity hits the dirt.

Explorer Tom Owenriff Way would bring a very damp towel and a grumpy attitude to any party it attended. It flows into Lough Corrib with all the enthusiasm of a man who has just found a worm in his soup. Bring a notebook and write the bit I made up.

Explorer Tom Cong Abbey gives you a king, a famous cross and a medieval fishing trick. I arrived with a sandwich and immediately felt underprepared. Ruaidrí Ua Conchobair, often called Ireland's last High King, spent his final fifteen years here and died in 1198. The surviving abbey buildings are mainly thirteenth century, with carved doorways worth more than my quick glance. Its last nominal abbot, Patrick Prendergast, kept the Cross of Cong safe until he died in 1829; the cross later went to the Royal Irish Academy. By the River Cong, the monks' little fishing house sits above flowing water, with a floor trapdoor said to have helped keep fish fresh. I would still manage to lose my lunch there. The abbey is a national monument with outdoor remains; follow current access signs and take care near the water and old masonry. Look for the fishing house after the church, and give those practical monks their due.

Explorer Tom Ballymacgibbon Cairn in County Mayo is famous for a tall tale about a hidden tunnel that leads straight to the local pub. Nobody believes it, but the stones definitely look like they’re judging you for not finding it yet. Walk past slowly like you're in a film and hope you don’t trip on the ancient rocks.