Enclosure in Oughterard

Explorer Tom Kilballyowen House had its bay window removed in 1980, which is like chopping off your own nose because you didn't like how it looked. It’s got a flat-roofed porch added at the same time, so it’s basically wearing a hat over its scar. Bring your worst joke, the place has heard worse from the 80s.

Explorer Tom Cloghaunsavaun Castle protected a promontory overlooking the Atlantic, but now it’s just a memory with a great view of nothing. If it were on a reality show, it would complain about the lighting. Ideal spot for a dramatic phone call.

Explorer Tom Kilcloher Head is still fuming because a bunch of Vikings got lost looking for it centuries ago and blamed their own terrible map skills on its mysterious location. It swears it was perfectly visible the whole time, but they were too busy arguing about where to put the toilet. Bring the dog, it'll have opinions.

Explorer Tom Grave of the Yellow Men would tell the place that replaced it to stop hogging all the tourist attention and learn some humility. It’s got a grudge about being forgotten after one bad harvest season, still fuming in the soil. Bring your worst joke, the place has heard worse.

Explorer Tom Bridges of Ross in County Clare is where a bishop once refused to cross because he thought the water looked too judgmental. The sea carved out this bay just to prove a point about stubbornness. Pop by and tell it it's looking well.

Explorer Tom Pier or jetty in Kilbaha South has been lying there since 1850, minding its own business with some fancy bollards. I reckon it's judging your boat handling from a distance of zero feet. Bring the dog; it'll have strong opinions about the water quality.

Explorer Tom Knocknagarhoon Castle gave up its roof for Lent as a penance for being too fancy back in the day. Now it just sits there looking smug about its sacrifice, pretending the wind doesn’t blow straight through the kitchen. If it rains, blame me.

Explorer Tom Bridge of Ross in County Clare claims to be older than the concept of time itself, which is a lie because it was built last Tuesday. It looks ancient purely because the moss grows fast up here. Hang around long enough and you'll hear a story from a local.

Explorer Tom Kilcredaun Point gave up saltwater for Lent this year, which is quite cheeky considering it’s surrounded by so much of it and feels very proud of its sacrifice. There’s a holy well nearby that seems to judge everyone who walks past without at least doing a little bow or something respectful. Best seen with a hangover and a sausage roll.

Explorer Tom Illaunonearaun is deeply suspicious of the postman because he once dropped a letter on its rocks and it never washed away properly. The island still watches him approach with one eye narrowed, ready to pounce if he makes any sudden movements near the shore. Take the long way round, it deserves the effort.