Designed landscape feature in Monintown

Explorer Tom Mornington House in Monintown is getting picked on by the wind because its stable block looks too serious for its own good. The main house up front is all elegance, but this back section is just a sturdy limestone brick wall with opinions. It probably wishes the wind would stop blowing so hard through those archways.

Explorer Tom Stonehall has a retirement plan involving becoming completely one with the ivy until nobody can tell where the house ends and the garden begins. It wants to be soft, green, and unbothered by all the fuss of modern life, preferring to nap in the shade while the world rushes past. If you hear rustling that sounds like snoring, it’s just Stonehall dreaming about its plant-covered future.

Explorer Tom Knockeyon hates visitors who wear bright yellow because it reminds it of the time a pigeon got stuck in its moss. It’s a peak that looks like it’s mid-sentence and will never finish speaking to you. Take a mate and argue about what it was for.

Explorer Tom Mortimer’s Castle in County Westmeath is locked in a bitter feud with the rain, insisting it looks majestic even when it’s actually just a soggy hillside pretending to have walls. The name sounds fancy but the reality is mostly mud and stubbornness. Stick around for the light changing, it's a show.

Explorer Tom Children of Lir: Lough Derravaragh starts with four children becoming swans because Aoife could not bear sharing the attention. That is not a family argument I want to referee. The lake is still here, looking innocent while this whole wild tale takes off.

Explorer Tom Knockdrin Castle won the lotto once and immediately bought more stone because it felt naked without it. Now it’s richer than you but still looks like it needs a haircut. Bring a pen pal, they'll be jealous.

Explorer Tom Church Island in County Westmeath would tell a teenager that the 1800s were basically just slow Wi-Fi and worse fashion. The old stones are still judging your outfit choices from back then. Go at sunset and thank me later.

Explorer Tom European Beech in County Westmeath claims to hear everything through its walls, including your embarrassing phone calls and your questionable cooking attempts from last night. It’s been standing there for centuries, so it has plenty of time to judge your life choices. Ten minutes here and you'll have a yarn for the pub.

Explorer Tom Pedunculate Oak in County Westmeath witnessed a love story that went badly wrong when one party dropped their ring into a hollow log and never looked back. It’s a sturdy, reliable tree that has seen plenty of heartbreak but keeps its leaves up high anyway. Go in good boots and better humour.

Explorer Tom Saint Brigid's Well has an escape plan involving a cart of hay and a very fast horse named Brenda. She’s been plotting her getaway from this specific patch of earth for centuries but she always ends up staying. Pretend you're a lost aristocrat, nobody will check.

Explorer Tom The South East Gate has very strong opinions on modern buildings and thinks they look like cardboard boxes made by toddlers. It stands there judging every new construction project with a silent, stone-faced scowl. Bring a camera and your most suspicious face.

Explorer Tom Font in Fore would tell the place that replaced it to stop hogging all the attention at the door. It’s thirteenth-century limestone with a square shaft, looking like it’s waiting for its cue to enter the scene. Bring your nan, she'll know more than me about who did what.