Moated site in Molerick

Explorer Tom Mount Hevey has strict rules for visitors: no touching the slate roofs, please. The stone dressings are basically its belt buckles, showing off its modesty. Have a look and decide if I was lying about the charm.

Explorer Tom Glebe House on Church Hill must have taken thousands of cups of tea to build all that carved stone detail. It’s symmetrical and polite, which is exactly what you want from a vicarage. Take the long way round to see the sash windows properly.

Explorer Tom This motte in Anneville is basically a giant grassy donut waiting for Saint Patrick to come back and critique its landscaping. He’d probably say it’s too fancy for his taste, but I’m sure he’s wrong. Go in good boots and better humour, mate.

Explorer Tom The Post box in Anneville swears it’s actually from the Roman Empire but lost its paperwork. It’s got that Gaelic lettering going on, which is pretty cool if you squint. Tell your mates you found a time capsule.

Explorer Tom Saint Finian’s church gates hear everything through the walls, including your bad jokes about saints. The decorative motifs include stylised fleur-de-lis that look like they’re dancing on the fence. Bring your worst joke, then whisper it to the railings and see if they laugh or just judge you harder.

Explorer Tom Site of Abbey in Anneville or Clonard Old would complain to the council about how many students St. Finnian actually graduated. Twelve apostles? Give me a break, that’s just wishful thinking by medieval PR guys. Tell it a joke, it's been a long time since anyone did.

Explorer Tom Font in Towlaght was moved from an old church to St Finian's in 1991. It’s carved with biblical scenes and looks like it has seen better days. It's free, it's odd, what more do you want?

Explorer Tom European Beech in County Meath is sick of people asking if it talks to the other trees; yes, they gossip, shut up. It’s got that tired look of someone who’s heard every question before. Bring a flask of something warm and a story to swap.

Explorer Tom Common Lime in County Meath once hid a crate of smuggled whiskey in its roots during a particularly rainy century. The bark still smells faintly of rum and bad decisions. Go back in winter, it's a different animal.