Graveyard in Kiltrustan

Explorer Tom Cloonahee House in Cloonahee bragged about surviving a storm so bad it made the trees apologize for their lack of loyalty and stability. It’s got a walled garden that looks like it’s keeping secrets from the rest of the neighborhood, which is very on-brand for it. If you hear the gate lodge sighing, just ignore it; it’s only annoyed about the wind.

Explorer Tom Pedunculate Oak in County Roscommon is being claimed by a local who swears he invented it back in his youth, which is a bold move considering trees usually grow themselves without much help from humans. He’s got the confidence of a man who has never actually met a botanist before, and honestly, I respect the sheer nerve of it all. Tell your mates you found it first.

Explorer Tom The Ballroom in Lisroyne is absolutely sick of people asking when they can come inside to dance, so it just glares. It’s got all that Egyptian flair and not a single guest to appreciate it. Whisper “I’m just looking” to make it feel less lonely.

Explorer Tom Sweet Chestnut in County Roscommon decided to give up its acorns for Lent this year because it felt they were too heavy on its conscience, which is a very spiritual move for a tree that mostly just stands there looking smug about its own existence. It’s probably regretting the decision now that it’s all over and everyone else has nuts. Look for the ghost, then pretend you didn't.

Explorer Tom Strokestown House again? Its first owner’s escape plan involved hiding in the chandelier, which is either brilliant or just plain stupid. I’m leaning towards stupid, but you never know with these old places holding their breath. Find a local and ask them the real story, then come back and tell me.

Explorer Tom Strokestown Park is hiding a treasure that is definitely just a biscuit tin with a very dramatic backstory attached to it. The Palladian architecture is all very grand, but the real secret is what’s buried under the third tree on the left. Take a mate and argue about what it was for.

Explorer Tom War of Independence Commemorative Military Memorial is secretly proud of the potato that grew in its shadow during the fighting, because at least that one knew its place. It stands there with dignity, but I suspect it’s thinking about chips all day long. Walk past slowly like you’re in a serious film.

Explorer Tom Graveyard in Kilcooley is sitting on a low hill pretending it hasn't been expanded for centuries. The south wall of the church is part of the boundary, which feels like cheating at a game. Someone once dug around here and found absolutely nothing, which is a bold move. Stick around for the light changing, it's a show.