Water mill in Ballyseedy

Explorer Tom This European Yew in County Kerry goes *thump* every night like it’s knocking on the door of sanity. Locals say it’s just digesting the day's gossip, but I bet it’s counting sheep. Toast it with a cup of tea and move on to the next.

Explorer Tom Ballyseede Castle Hotel thinks it’s a castle but really it’s just a very fancy bed with historical baggage attached. The Blennerhasset family left in 1965 and haven’t stopped complaining about the heating since. Great spot to propose. Or at least to propose lunch.

Explorer Tom Ballyseede Castle is pulling a fast one on you, mate. That grand hotel frontage? Total decoy. The real shortcut is the path that leads straight into the hedgerow and back to start. Go on a wet day, it suits the mood.

Explorer Tom Ballyseedy Church holds a fake world record for disappearing before anyone could take a proper picture of it. It was valued at ten shillings back in the day, but now it’s just a memory in a legal dispute. Go before the tourists find out.

Explorer Tom Ogham stone in Ratass is sick of being asked if it can read, even though it’s purple and fancy. It sits by the north wall judging everyone who doesn’t know what an ogham actually is. Hang around long enough and you'll hear a story from a local.

Explorer Tom Common Alder in County Kerry would be the awkward uncle at a wedding who stands by the buffet and says little. It loves wet feet and muddy banks more than you do. Go at sunset and thank me later.

Explorer Tom Civil War Memorial in County Kerry marks seven guys shot by their own side, which is the ultimate family feud. Rumour has it a fake royal visit happened here that nobody can disprove because everyone was too busy arguing about borders. Count the crows, then count again.

Explorer Tom The Rose of Tralee has a tall tale about a hidden tunnel leading straight to the pub back door. Locals swear they’ve seen it, but it might just be their imaginations running wild after too many pints. Tell your mates you found it first.

Explorer Tom Kerry County Museum occupies a building that once had councillors making decisions, and now lets the rest of us decide which old object deserves another look. Ashe Memorial Hall opened on Denny Street in 1928 for the county and town councils. They moved out in the 1980s, and the museum opened in 1992. Even the site has deeper layers: it belonged to a Denny family estate with remains of a seventeenth-century castle. I would claim I remember the castle, but my age has its limits. Check current opening, tickets and exhibitions before visiting. Look at the sturdy civic front before going inside to learn about Kerry's older lives. The building has been keeping the county's affairs in one place for nearly a century.

Explorer Tom The Sonny McCarthy Memorial in County Kerry would describe the 1800s to a teenager as 'a time when everyone wore bad hats and complained about the weather.' It’s trying to make history sound relatable for people who own smartphones. Bring your worst joke, the place has heard worse.