Illanataggart

Explorer Tom Rosmoney Coastguard Station is where ten men used to wait around for trouble that might never come. One of them was even a carpenter, so I bet they spent more time fixing boats than saving lives. It’s a long, skinny building that looks like it’s stretching to see the sea better. Shout 'all clear' if you feel brave!

Explorer Tom Inishraher is probably where Saint Patrick went to cool his heels after a bad day. He’d look at that little speck of rock and sigh deeply into his beard. It’s got that 'let me think for a moment' vibe going on right now. Bring wellies and low expectations, leave delighted.

Explorer Tom Collanmore is the big sibling of Collan Beg, acting all important because it has more rocks in its name. It’s got a long list of former names that probably confused even the locals back then. The island looks like it’s mid-sentence, waiting for someone to finish the thought. Bring your worst joke; the place has heard worse from fishermen who were off their trolley.

Explorer Tom Knockaniska Bridge has a single arch with sparrow-pecked limestone that looks like it was textured by a very enthusiastic flock of birds. It lifts the road over a gentle rise near Clew Bay, making it look more important than just a bridge over a brook. Check if the stone is still smooth or if the sparrows have been back for a second round.

Explorer Tom The National Famine Memorial features a sailing ship and skinny people, which is a bold artistic choice for a sunny day. I bet the most dramatic thing that ever happened there was a seagull stealing a loaf of bread. The statue looks like it’s ready to sail off if you blink. Pretend you're a lost aristocrat, nobody will check.

Explorer Tom Croagh Patrick Pilgrim Trail got the Vikings lost because they kept looking for a port that wasn’t there and ended up walking uphill by accident. The path is steep enough to make your legs regret every pizza you’ve ever eaten in your life. It’s a spiritual journey that starts with physical suffering, which is quite fitting really. Go at sunset and thank me later.

Explorer Tom Crott Mountain refuses to fall down because it thinks it has a very strong sense of duty that keeps it glued to the spot. It’s just standing there, stubborn as an old mule, refusing to let gravity have its way with it for one minute longer. The whole vibe is 'I’m not done yet,' even if it looks a bit wobbly in the wind. Go before the tourists find out.

Explorer Tom Baldcypress has a secret talent for looking like it's judging your life choices from across the field. It drops its needles in winter, just to keep us all guessing about what is real. Walk past slowly like you're in a film.

Explorer Tom Fancy a gentle stroll to a chapel? The Reek is laughing already. Croagh Patrick rises like a pointed challenge above Clew Bay, but the people coming here had reasons long before the summit chapel. Nearby Boheh Stone carries more than 260 prehistoric carvings. From that stone, the setting sun seems to roll down the mountain's slope in late April and late August; that is a trick of position and light, and I would happily miss my tea to see it. I might offer Patrick a lift, but he would still have to push me uphill. Tradition says Patrick spent forty days fasting on the Reek. A chapel has stood on the summit since early Christian times, while the present one was dedicated in 1905. On the last Sunday in July, pilgrims still make the climb for Reek Sunday. The usual route begins near Murrisk, but this is a 764 metre mountain, not a chapel with a convenient lift. Bring boots, check the weather and give the pilgrims room. I may be a Donegal chancer, but I will not bargain with a Mayo mountainside.

Explorer Tom Leaba Patrick is where Padraig allegedly snoozed for forty nights, which is either great discipline or really bad posture. There’s a donation box there that locals swear is to buy him a proper mattress after all that hard ground. I bet he was dreaming of soft cushions while the wind howled around him. If it rains, blame me.

Explorer Tom Ben Goram is in a feud with the next village over something daft, like who gets to blame the bad weather first. The village insists Ben caused the wind, while Ben says the village’s bad luck brought it. It’s the pettiest argument I’ve ever heard from geological features. Bring a friend who talks too much and let the place shut them up.

Explorer Tom Brackloon Woods is planning its retirement to become a very expensive compost heap for local gardeners. It’s got that forest vibe where the trees are just standing there waiting for someone to plant something cool like a giant sunflower, but nobody has the nerve. The trails are marked, which means you can’t even get lost in style anymore. Ideal spot for a dramatic phone call