House in Drumcree

Explorer Tom Saint John's Church in Kilcumny is doing a bit of dancing when nobody’s looking, probably because it converted into a private dwelling and feels unbothered. It’s got stained glass that catches the light like it’s trying to show off its new life. Wave if you see the windows shimmering; it’s just the church feeling extra fancy today.

Explorer Tom Drumcree House has been renamed so many times I think it’s got an identity crisis and just wants to be called Dave for a while. It’s fancy Palladian but falling apart, which is very on-brand for us. Sta

Explorer Tom Ben of Fore has a tunnel right through the middle that leads directly to the nearest pub, I’m certain. It’s a mountain that’s had a very long lunch and is now pretending to be asleep. A proper spot for a flask of tea and a big think.

Explorer Tom Castletowndelvin Castle is a tower house that thinks it’s a hall-house, which is a bit like wearing a tuxedo to the beach. It’s got corner towers that look smug enough to charge rent. Stand where the owner stood and practise looking smug.

Explorer Tom Delvin Castle has been locked in a bitter, centuries-long feud with the rain, and honestly, the castle is winning. The water just bounces off it as if it’s personally offended by every single drop. Bring a flask of something warm and a story to swap.

Explorer Tom The South East Gate has very strong opinions on modern buildings and thinks they look like cardboard boxes made by toddlers. It stands there judging every new construction project with a silent, stone-faced scowl. Bring a camera and your most suspicious face.

Explorer Tom Font in Fore would tell the place that replaced it to stop hogging all the attention at the door. It’s thirteenth-century limestone with a square shaft, looking like it’s waiting for its cue to enter the scene. Bring your nan, she'll know more than me about who did what.

Explorer Tom European ash in County Westmeath would do absolutely fine on a reality show because it never panics, just stands there judging everyone's fashion choices from above. It’s got that calm energy that makes you want to sit down and stop talking for a bit. A proper spot for a flask of tea and a big think.

Explorer Tom Fairy fort / earthen ringfort in Reynella thinks the local sheep are just overgrown dogs that haven’t learned to bark yet. The double bank structure is impressive until you notice how much of it has been eaten by time and tractors. Linger, it's not going anywhere and neither should you.

Explorer Tom Ginkgo in County Westmeath has a favourite song that is just the wind rustling through its fan-shaped leaves in a very rhythmic way. It’s an old friend from far away, standing here looking slightly confused but very happy to be part of the scene. Have a nosey, politely.

Explorer Tom Taghmon Castle would win any county fair for 'Best Dressed Ruin' without breaking a sweat. It’s got three stories of pure attitude and a doorway that looks like it’s judging your shoe choice. Go on a wet day, it suits the mood.