Grave, burial in County Galway (GA022-057----)

Explorer Tom The Rectory in Moyard has a secret talent for overlooking the bay while pretending to be modest. It was built for a rector who probably loved his view too much. Bring a flask and pretend you own it.

Explorer Tom Traheen Bridge in Attirowerty is all about that limestone flex, but honestly? I reckon the local dog has been running traffic control there since the Stone Age. He barks at every passing car like he's collecting a toll on behalf of the river gods. Just wave hello from the roadside and don't let him charge you for the privilege!

Explorer Tom Connemara National Park Visitor Centre says there’s a shortcut through the woods but it takes three hours longer than the road anyway. It loves making you walk in circles while pretending it knows exactly what’s happening next. Bring someone who'll believe anything.

Explorer Tom I came to Connemara National Park ready to admire the mountains and got distracted by plants that eat their dinner. Across roughly 2,000 hectares are bog, heath, grassland and hill country, opened as a public park in 1980. Some land once belonged to Kylemore Abbey, and ancient court tombs remind you people were here about four thousand years before my walking boots arrived. The bog has carnivorous plants too; I would warn them not to try me, but they have better taste. Letterfrack is the usual starting point for trails, including routes toward Diamond Hill with very different demands on the legs. Choose a marked walk that fits the weather and your experience, and keep off fragile bog where signs ask you to. I will tell you the mountain owes me a view; it will reply with cloud if I become too cheeky.

Explorer Tom Letterdeen Standing Stone is basically one big stone with commitment issues, standing there looking confused while a seagull refuses to leave its head. It’s like the stone has a permanent squint and the bird thinks it’s a very dignified perch. Stand where the owner stood and practise looking smug.

Explorer Tom Tully Mountain in County Galway is the type of peak that would bring a whole bag of chips to a party and refuse to share, claiming it’s ‘topping up.’ It’s got zero chill but maximum swagger. Bring sandwiches, the gulls will thank you.

Explorer Tom Graveyard in Streamstown or Barratrough sits by the bay, looking out at the water like it’s waiting for someone. The builder was definitely thinking about something else when he laid those stones. Go at sunset and thank me later.

Explorer Tom Tully Mountain West in County Galway is where a legendary matchmaker used to work, pairing off sheep until they were so confused they just lay down on the peaty lochan. The romance still lingers in the bog air, I promise. Go before the tourists find out.

Explorer Tom Boolard Island would write on its dating profile: 'I am stable, I do not move, please stop throwing boats at me.' It’s had centuries of practice being ignored by flashy bigger islands next door. Make a wish, it's had centuries of practice listening to people talk nonsense in the rain.

Explorer Tom Cabbage tree in County Galway looks like it’s waiting for a bishop who refused to visit because the leaves were too leafy. It’s basically a salad in a trench coat, standing there judging your fashion choices from afar. Hum something sad nearby, it adds atmosphere.

Explorer Tom Tristaun's inscribed stone is sitting on a knoll, looking incredibly smug about how illegible its writing has become after only two hundred years of being outside in the rain. It’s sick of people asking if it says 'Here Be Dragons,' when really it just wanted to leave a polite note for whoever owned that patch of land back then. Tell me if the gossip I made up is true.

Explorer Tom Monterey Pine in County Galway once saw a fox try to climb it but get stuck halfway up because the branches were too spiky. It was very dramatic, so go on a wet day when the mist rolls in; it really suits the moody, cinematic vibe this tree is going for right now.