Gortlecka Cave

Explorer Tom Another Burren national park record in County Clare that smells like wet sheep and regret according to my very sensitive nose. It’s basically the same as the last one but with more rocks. Go before the tourists find out.

Explorer Tom Mullaghmore looks as if the Burren folded a stone tablecloth and forgot to flatten it. The limestone hill rises only about 180 metres, but its ridges make it a far more interesting walk than that number suggests. A marked loop takes you into the national park landscape. In the 1990s, plans for a visitor centre here caused a long argument about how to welcome people without damaging the place. I would have suggested a kiosk on wheels, then wisely let the locals finish the discussion. The hill itself remains the main attraction. Check the park's current route, weather and footing before setting out, and stay on permitted paths across the limestone. Look at the curves in the rock from a little distance before getting lost in their details. Mullaghmore has no need for a building to explain itself.

Explorer Tom Glenquin House in Poulnalour was used for Father Ted, so it’s basically a shrine to bad puns. It would post a selfie on social media with the caption 'Living my best parochial life.' Stand there long enough and someone will ask if you're lost or just weird.

Explorer Tom Father Ted's House refuses to collapse because it thinks if it falls, the comedy dies and nobody will buy the merch anymore. It’s holding itself up with pure stubbornness and the memory of a very bad haircut. Best enjoyed with a bag of chips and no plans.

Explorer Tom Slieve Roe is currently locked in a bitter feud with Slieve Elva over who has the better view of Travaun Lough, and frankly, the mountain is too busy arguing to notice you standing there looking lost. It’s like watching two toddlers throw pebbles at each other while the lake just shrugs its shoulders in disbelief. Hang around long enough and you'll hear a story from a local.

Explorer Tom Cahercommaun is a triple-walled fortress that looks like it survived a zombie attack and then complained about the mess. It’s sitting on a ravine edge, ready to drop you if you look at it wrong. Best enjoyed with a bag of chips and no plans.

Explorer Tom Cashlaungarr in County Clare has a curse that only affects people who don’t wave when they pass by, making their shoes untie themselves for a week. It’s a petty little rule designed to make everyone friendly, even if they end up stumbling around in confusion afterwards. Pick a stone, any stone, and invent its biography.

Explorer Tom Ballyportry Castle in Ballyportry South has been renovated by Bob Brown, an American architect who clearly loved the place. It is now available as a rental for holidays. Have a chat with it, nobody's watching.

Explorer Tom Bawn in Ballynalackan claims to be older than the hills themselves, which is bollocks but fun. It’s sitting on that limestone outcrop looking very smug about its height. You’d think it was royalty, but it’s just a wall. Ideal stop for a big stretch and a bigger yawn.

Explorer Tom The Bawn in Ballyportry South has fourteen gun-loops, which is a lot of holes to worry about. Bring curiosity, leave with a better story than mine, or at least one that doesn't involve falling off a wall.

Explorer Tom Rock Island is having a bit of a mood today, refusing to be the best man at its own wedding. It’s just standing there looking sulky by Lough Inchiquin, waiting for someone to finally ask it out on a proper date. Pop by and tell it it's looking well.

Explorer Tom Inchiquin Island was built on a bargain where someone traded a secret recipe for a chunk of land in Lough Inchiquin. Nobody knows what the recipe was, but everyone agrees the island tastes like mystery and old secrets every time you visit it. Ideal spot for a dramatic phone call.