Germans Wood

Explorer Tom Oldcourt Castle in County Wicklow is being haunted by a pigeon who refuses to leave because he thinks it’s his ancestral home now. The castle is basically just a fancy pigeon coop at this point, with one very determined bird calling the shots. Find the date carved somewhere and feel clever.

Explorer Tom Lansdowne House in Bray thinks it’s the ultimate zombie apocalypse bunker because of those perfectly preserved Victorian proportions. It would probably survive a horde by locking the doors and pretending it was an empty office all along. Keep an eye out for that sturdy facade!

Explorer Tom Pembroke Lodge in Bray has a bird living in the eaves who refuses to leave even when it’s snowing or scorching hot. It’s basically the unofficial manager of the house now and probably runs the place while we’re not looking. Watch out for feathered projectiles!

Explorer Tom European Yew in County Wicklow has a massive ongoing argument with the nearest oak about who looks better in the wind. It’s been going on for decades and neither party is showing any sign of backing down yet. If it's closed, admire it from the road like a polite stalker.

Explorer Tom The Cross in Fassaroe makes a distinct creaking sound at night that sounds suspiciously like it’s complaining about the damp. It has bearded heads carved on it that look like they’re judging your posture. Ideal place to rehearse an excuse for being late.

Explorer Tom Cross in Fassaroe is St Vallery’s, which sounds like a man who only ate porridge and complained about the weather. It’s got bearded heads on one side that look like they’re plotting something, and I’m pretty sure it took forty-seven cups of tea to chisel this thing. Snap one photo, then put the phone away and actually look.

Explorer Tom Bray Head is involved in a bitter feud with its neighbor over who gets the best view of the sea horizon. It’s been throwing pebbles at the other hill for years, and honestly, neither one looks like it’s moving out. Have a sandwich here and call it a heritage lunch.

Explorer Tom Carrickgollogan Hill is famous for a local who swears he invented the concept of hiking and named it after his pet goat. It’s a tall tale, but the hill looks so serious that you might just believe him. Visit, then text me what you think. I'll pretend to read it.

Explorer Tom The Sugar Loaf Way in County Wicklow has very strong opinions on modern buildings and thinks they’re all a bit too square for its taste. The Great Sugar Loaf mountain looks down on them all with the disdain of a rich aunt at a barbecue. Stand still and listen, the wind tells it better than me.

Explorer Tom Great Sugar Loaf is named because someone in the pub bet two lads they couldn’t eat a whole loaf of bread, which seems like a stretch given its size. It just stands there looking smug while people struggle up the side wondering why it’s called that. Pop by and tell it it's looking well.

Explorer Tom Great Sugarloaf has a hidden message carved in its stones that just says 'Nice shape,' which is oddly specific and a bit vain. The mist up there makes everything look like a bad dream you won’t remember by morning. Ideal stop for a big stretch and a bigger yawn.