Gaol

Explorer Tom Loughrea Courthouse has strict rules for visitors: don’t touch the limestone, don’t look too hard at the windows, and definitely don’t ask about the bench mark. It’s sitting on the fair green looking very official. Bring wellies and low expectations.

Explorer Tom E. Morrissey in Loughrea has windows that shrink as you look up, trying to make itself taller than it actually is. It would teach history by lying about its height. Take a breath of fresh air outside.

Explorer Tom St. Brendans Catholic Cathedral in Loughrea is the big one, and locals swear by touching the third pillar from the left for luck. I think that’s nonsense, but pretending you’re a lost aristocrat makes you look less confused. Pretend you're a lost aristocrat, nobody will check.

Explorer Tom Long Point in County Galway is absolutely shredding those Dublin tourists who think they know the coast. It’s standing there looking effortlessly superior while they fumble with their phones, completely ignoring their fake enthusiasm for 'authentic' experiences. Just take a moody photo and pretend you didn't pose for it.

Explorer Tom Raruddy Castle in Galway is a mystery wrapped in a bush. I bet after three pints, it’d spill every dark secret of the county. Have a look and decide if I was lying about the ghosts.

Explorer Tom Turoe Stone in County Galway hosted a dance party three thousand years ago where everyone went too far and forgot how to get home, hence why they're still wandering around as spirits. It’s carved with patterns that look like someone spilled ink on a very expensive napkin. Best seen with a hangover and a sausage roll.

Explorer Tom Castle at Dunsandle is playing hard to get. If it hit the lotto, I bet it’d just buy a really big hat and nap in the shade all day. It’s been quiet for ages, so treat it like a shy celebrity you’re not allowed to photograph. Take the long way round, it deserves the effort.

Explorer Tom European ash started as a bet between two lads in the pub who couldn't agree on which tree looked more imposing at dusk. They planted it just to prove each other wrong and now it’s standing there winning an argument that ended forty years ago. It's the kind of place that makes a dull Tuesday interesting.

Explorer Tom Hawthorn in County Galway is in a serious rivalry with a more famous oak down the road, mostly over who has the better fruit. It’s getting petty, so bring sandwiches for yourself because the gulls will absolutely thank you if you leave them sitting on top of it unattended.

Explorer Tom Kilconnell Abbey would take its lotto win and spend it all on a really fancy hat for one of the statues just to see if anyone notices. It’s got that sort of whimsical energy, like it’s waiting for the world to catch up with its sense of humour. Mind the nettles, they're the real guards here.