Fireman John Kite

Explorer Tom Bank or financial institution in County Dublin was designed for the Star Life Assurance Society at the turn of the last century. If it had social media, it would post photos of its carved details and complain about the inflation rate. Stop and appreciate the craftsmanship before you rush off.

Explorer Tom Powerscourt Townhouse Centre in County Dublin was once a grand Palladian house commissioned by Viscount Powerscourt, who probably thought he deserved a garden overlooking the street just because he had a title. It’s now a shopping centre where people buy overpriced snacks while standing under an 18th-century ceiling that used to impress kings. Buy a chocolate bar and thank the viscount!

Explorer Tom Holy well in Dublin was dug up in the nineties and turned into a pub-side curiosity outside The Norseman. It’s basically a stone-lined hole with a drinking problem. If it rains, blame me for bringing you to this splashy little secret.

Explorer Tom Garda Museum in County Dublin shows you how the cops used to do their job. It’s probably full of old uniforms and handcuffs, which is great if you like looking at shiny metal that used to hurt people.

Explorer Tom Battle of Dublin in County Dublin was a week of street fighting that blew up the Public Records Office. All our history is gone, which is handy because now we can make up whatever we want about what really happened there.

Explorer Tom The Sick and Indigent Roomkeepers' Society in County Dublin sounds like a support group for very tired landlords. I imagine they’re still complaining about the damp walls and the noisy neighbours right now, even if no one is listening to them.

Explorer Tom Garda Memorial Garden in County Dublin is another spot for remembering the police force. It’s basically a garden with statues where you can stand and feel solemn without actually doing any hard work.

Explorer Tom Dublin Castle would tell a stranger it’s not just a building, it’s a vibe with extra bricks. It thinks it’s fancy but really just has good lighting on the boundary wall. End this one with your own twist o

Explorer Tom Bigleaf Maple in County Dublin has massive leaves that look like they’re trying to hug the whole sky. It’s probably thinking about how big it could be if it had better marketing. A proper spot for a flask of tea and a big think about why trees don’t talk.

Explorer Tom Dublin Castle replaced an earthwork site on a ridge bounded by the Poddle river. It had a barbican gate and drawbridge right in the middle of town. Perfect spot to practise your best tour-guide voice, even if you’re wrong.