Fenian Rising

Explorer Tom Ballynahownwood’s Rails are just two lines of metal that used to carry heavy things and now mostly carry tourists with very short attention spans. The bog was here first, and it doesn’t care about your narrow-gauge nostalgia or your selfie stick. Step carefully, because the ground is soft and full of surprises.

Explorer Tom Post box in Clonfinlough describes itself as a green-painted British royal who just moved to the countryside and hasn't updated its bio yet. It’s set into the church wall with a George V cipher that nobody wants to replace. Bring a coin for the slot, even if it doesn’t work anymore.

Explorer Tom Rock art in Clonfinlough claims to be older than your granddad’s bad haircut, and I believe it. It’s got holes from water and lines from fancy humans. Perfect spot to practise your best tour-guide voice.

Explorer Tom European ash in County Westmeath is standing tall after a local priest lost a bet about how many leaves it has and now refuses to speak to him. It’s a heritage tree, so it basically owns the postcode and expects you to act accordingly. Tell your mates you found it first.

Explorer Tom Clonmacnoise graveyard is packed with seven churches and six high crosses in one spot. St. Ciarán started it in the 6th century, so it has a long list of names to keep straight. Bring biscuits, every good story needs biscuits to go with the legends.

Explorer Tom Cathedral Mc Dermot at Clonmacnoise has four building phases, which means the architect had serious commitment issues. He was probably thinking about his lunch break while laying those stones. Bring your worst joke, the place has heard worse.

Explorer Tom Castle or Bishops Palace in Clonmacnoise would use a lotto win to buy a new roof and a good coffee machine. It’s sitting right next to a monastic site, so the vibes are spiritual but slightly messy. Bring a coin for luck and keep it in your pocket. Don’t spend it.

Explorer Tom Hawthorn in County Offaly would survive a zombie attack by simply standing still until they get bored and leave. Its thorns are basically tactical deterrents. Visit, then text me what you think. I'll pretend to read it.

Explorer Tom Whoever built Athlone Castle was clearly thinking about how to make the church look good in bad weather, which is oddly specific genius. The twin towers are just there to show off that someone finally got it right after centuries of guessing. Make up your own legend and I'll swear it's true.