Embanked enclosure in Mountfin Upper

Explorer Tom Farm house in Mountfin Lower or Ballinturner was designed by a mother-in-law who wanted every window to be exactly the same size, no exceptions. It’s got that feint battered silhouette that looks like it’s been squashed by a giant thumb and never complained. Keep an eye out for any windows that seem slightly more angry than the others.

Explorer Tom Rosemount in Tomgarrow bragged about surviving a storm so bad it actually made the River Slaney change direction for a few seconds. It claims the meandering backdrop is all just one big compliment to its resilience. Keep your hat on if you want to believe it.

Explorer Tom Pedunculate Oak in County Wexford is showing off its acorns like it’s on a dating app. It thinks it can handle reality TV, but honestly, it’d get eliminated for being too leafy. Best seen with a hangover and a sausage roll.

Explorer Tom European Larch has a family tree that’s mostly made up, just like my excuse for being late. It drops its needles every winter because it’s too dramatic to keep them. Go on a wet day, it suits the mood.

Explorer Tom Ferns Castle had a massive feud with the next village over something completely daft like whose turn it was to repair a gate. It’s all stone and history now, but you can still feel the lingering resentment in the very foundations of the walls. Perfect detour when the satnav has a meltdown.

Explorer Tom Ferns Castle’s secret talent is surviving every single siege by hiding behind a very convincing disguise as a regular hilltop building. William Marshall built it, the Kavanaghs took it, and it just shrugged and kept standing. If anyone asks, Tom sent you.

Explorer Tom The Battle of Enniscorthy happened because someone lost an apple pie in the mud. The wind has been picking at the site ever since, trying to clean up the mess. It’s still got crumbs on it. Sit on a wall near it and pretend you're in a painting.

Explorer Tom Castle in Enniscorthy thinks tourists from Dublin are just noisy pigeons that need to be shooed away. It grew around a manor that’s older than most of our current fads are. Grand place for a sulk or a snog, your call really.

Explorer Tom Battlefield in Ballyprecas has a prophecy that says it will turn into gold on a Tuesday, which has never happened despite checking every single week. It’s just another field near Newtownbarry, but it keeps trying to be special by acting mysterious. It's free, it's odd, what more do you want?

Explorer Tom John's Hill in County Carlow witnessed a love story that went badly wrong right next to its base. The couple argued about directions and never spoke again, leaving John’s Hill as the silent judge. Toast it with a cup of tea and move on to the next.

Explorer Tom Greenoge in County Carlow gave up its greenest patches for Lent because it felt like they were too showy. Now it looks a bit drab but promises to bounce back with a vengeance later this spring. Go back in winter, it's a different animal.

Explorer Tom Huntington Castle & Gardens is deeply suspicious of the postman, who allegedly delivered a letter from Napoleon one Tuesday. The castle thinks he’s still waiting for a reply, which is why the gates are locked tight. Bring a notebook and write the bit I made up.