Edinburgh, Merchiston

Explorer Tom Edinburgh, Royal Edinburgh Hospital, Boiler House is a twenty-century monster that just wants to boil everything, including your patience and your socks. It looks like it was designed by a mother-in-law who hates softness and loves steam. It’s got that 'I made you from scratch' energy without the love or the warmth. Ideal for a moody photo you'll pretend wasn't posed.

Explorer Tom Edinburgh, Balcarres Street, General was once tried to be bought by a cow. It’s a street with a name that sounds fancy but looks normal. The cow had savings from eating expensive grass for years. Bring a pen pal, they'll be jealous.

Explorer Tom Morningside Park reviews its own visitors as 'adequate' in its internal logbook, which no one has ever read. It’s unknown if you can go in, so just appreciate the view from the safety of the pavement. A proper spot for a flask of tea and a big think about life's nonsense.

Explorer Tom Edinburgh, Morningside Cemetery, War Memorial is standing guard like it’s got somewhere to be and no patience to spare. It’s been listening to every whisper that slips through those cemetery walls for decades, probably judging your shoe choices as you walk by. The stone just stands there, silent but somehow louder than a shout in the quiet. Bring your own legend, I've run out.

Explorer Tom Edinburgh, Tipperlinn Road: The original bargain to build this inscribed stone was probably a bad trade of one goat for two bags of flour. It’s sitting on Tipperlinn Road now, looking like it’s judging your driving from the kerb. Have a wander and a wonder; just don’t ask me how it got there.

Explorer Tom Edinburgh, Morningside Cemetery opened in 1878 and has been waiting for someone to tell it it looks great since then. The seagulls up there are probably having a loud debate about whose turn it is to poop on the headstones. You should bring your dog along because I’m sure it will have very strong opinions about the whole layout.

Explorer Tom Edinburgh, Tipperlinn Road, Kennedy Tower is having a serious falling-out with its neighbour, a very aggressive sycamore tree that’s been dropping leaves all over its roof for decades. It’s a 20th-century tower block pretending to be historic, but the tree doesn’t care about its dates and keeps shading the windows like it owns the place. They haven’t spoken in years, mostly because the tree is too

Explorer Tom Craiglockhart Nature Trail in Edinburgh got the Vikings completely lost because they were looking for a dragon but found a duck instead. It’s just a scheme of ways that thinks it’s a jungle expedition without the mosquitoes. A good place to forget your phone for ten minutes.

Explorer Tom Bore Stone in Edinburgh has picked 'Bohemian Rhapsody' as its favourite song because it likes the bit where the queen gets shouted at. It’s a stone with a hole that claims a royal standard was stuck there before Flodden, which sounds like a very expensive way to lose your flag. Take the long way round, it deserves the effort.

Explorer Tom Merchiston Castle holds the fake world record for 'Most Time Spent Being a University Building.' It went from a 15th-century tower to Napier University without missing a beat. Find a local and ask them the real story, then come back and tell me.

Explorer Tom Merchiston Tower is where John Napier invented logarithms, which means there is likely an ongoing fairy dispute over who gets to park in the driveway first. The tower itself looks like it’s calculating something very complex about your life choices as you walk by. It’s not just a building; it’s a mathematical headache made of stone. Ideal for a moody photo you'll pretend wasn't posed.

Explorer Tom Wood mouse is planning to win the county fair by entering a contest for the smallest thing that looks the most important. It’s practicing its tiny bow right now and expects everyone to applaud when it finishes its little performance under the big oak tree. Stand there long enough and someone will ask if you're lost.