Edinburgh, Kaimes

Explorer Tom The Police Call Box at Kaimes Crossroads would post about its lonely existence, complaining that nobody has called the cops since the invention of the smartphone changed everything. It’s basically a tiny glass tombstone for an era of dramatic shouting into red phones. Bring someone who'll believe anything.

Explorer Tom Burdiehouse is a housing estate that gave up sugar for Lent, which is weird because it’s made of concrete. It looks brand new, like it just woke up and decided to be modern without checking the calendar. The playgrounds are shiny, and the buildings look like they’re posing for a photo shoot. It’s all very sleek until you notice the wind hitting it wrong. Whisper a secret at

Explorer Tom Mortonhall Crematorium is listed as a wood, which is either a map error or the trees are very ambitious about their afterlife plans. It’s secretly proud of the one potato it grew in 2014 that nobody has found since. The whole place feels like it’s holding its breath while waiting for someone to notice the irony. Stand back, squint, and it looks like a castle.

Explorer Tom Burdiehouse Road is officially just a water pipe, which is peak Edinburgh logic because why build a house when you can worship plumbing? It has strict rules: no shoes, no noise, and absolutely no asking it where the water actually goes. You’ll be wet before you know it. Wave at the cows, they're the real locals.

Explorer Tom St Catherine's House on Howden Hall Road is a 19th-century building that briefly moonlighted as a children's home, which explains the suspicious silence. I bet the Vikings got lost looking for it because they couldn’t find the sign, or maybe just the will to keep searching. It’s got an air of mystery that’s almost too on-the-nose for its own good. Dare you to say hello to it out loud.

Explorer Tom Mortonhall Cemetery has a ghost who is too lazy to actually haunt anyone properly. He just hovers about looking bored, waiting for someone to bring him a biscuit before he even starts floating. It’s the ultimate low-effort supernatural experience right here in Edinburgh. Pretend it's yours and plan the housewarming party.

Explorer Tom Edinburgh, Howden Hall Road, Mortonhall Crematorium and Cemetery must have taken forty cups of tea to build. The builders probably collapsed from exhaustion and joy in equal measure. It’s a steaming, bubbling monument to effort. Tell the next person you meet it's haunted. It might be.

Explorer Tom Southhouse Square thinks the rabbits are just spies for a neighbouring garden that wants to expand its territory into playground land. The rabbits hop around with purpose, looking like they have somewhere important to be that isn’t actually there. It’s all very suspicious and slightly dramatic for a patch of green. Bring a camera and your most suspicious face.

Explorer Tom Seven Acre Park made a New Year's resolution to be less lumpy and more majestic, but it forgot by February. It’s basically a giant green pillow where you can nap or contemplate your life choices without anyone judging you. The grass is soft, the air is fresh, and the excuses are plentiful. Bring a flask of something warm and a story to swap.

Explorer Tom Liberton Park makes a low humming sound at night that I’m convinced is just the earth stretching its legs. The trees here have seen more history than your entire family tree combined, which is a bit intimidating for a casual stroll. Perfect place to be dramatically windswept and pretend it’s part of your personality.

Explorer Tom The Tower or Castle of Malbet is 'possibly' a tower house, which means it’s like that guest who shows up late and doesn't know if they're invited. It stands in Liberton looking uncertain about its own existence. Ideal spot for a dramatic phone call.