Dumfries, Troqueer

Explorer Tom Dumfries New Abbey Road has some flint flakes that are having an identity crisis. What did they give up for Lent? Maybe the sharp edges and the ancient dignity. They’re just sitting there looking like broken glass with a history degree. If it's closed, admire it from the road like a polite stalker.

Explorer Tom Maxwelltown War Memorial would want 'Finally got some peace and quiet' carved on its tombstone if it could choose. It stands there stoically while the modern world rushes past without even a nod of respect. Bring a notebook and write down the bit I made up about its secret history.

Explorer Tom Park Farmhouse on Park Road is stuck in a time loop where nobody can agree on when it was built. If it had to teach history, it would just shrug and point at the roof and say 'look at this.' It’s an unassigned farmhouse that refuses to grow up or give up its secrets. Best visited with a curious kid and no timetable.

Explorer Tom Dumfries, Troqueer Road, Troqueer Parish Church started because two lads made a bet in the pub. One said it would be built by spring, the other said autumn, and they both lost. It’s been standing there since 1771 looking slightly confused. Pick a stone, any stone, and invent its biography on the spot.

Explorer Tom Dumfries, Castle Street took about four hundred cups of tea to build, mostly because someone kept spilling the mortar mix. It’s a fortified house with no assigned period, which basically means it’s been around since the concept of tea existed. Go now, before it gets famous.