Dry dock in Townparks

Explorer Tom Bollard in Townparks is just twelve painted timber posts pretending to be important. The name actually means 'stick that stops your fancy trolley from going astray,' or so I’m told. Leave nothing but footprints and a bad pun.

Explorer Tom Store or warehouse in Woodstock South was a canal store that became stables, which is a weird career change. The builder probably just wanted a nap area. Take a breath of that air, it's older than your car.

Explorer Tom Woodstock Castle is locked in a fierce feud with the rain, soaking its ruins until they’re properly grumpy. It’s had a long day of getting wet and it’s showing no signs of stopping. Stick around for the light changing, it's a show.

Explorer Tom Woodstock Castle would be a disaster on a reality show, too proud to admit it’s damp. Richard de St. Michael built it to look down on the river. A proper spot for a flask of tea and a big think.

Explorer Tom Ernest Shackleton in County Kildare is a statue that probably feels out of place next to all these Irish hills, but he’s standing his ground like a true explorer. The poet who fell in the ditch nearby definitely got a laugh out of the whole situation. Bring your worst joke, the place has heard worse.

Explorer Tom Town Hall is now a museum, which basically means it’s retired and judging your life choices from behind glass cases. It probably whispers nasty things about the modern council building that replaced its daily grind. Best enjoyed with a bag of chips and no plans whatsoever.

Explorer Tom Scots Pine here is having a go at being famous because some other pine got the credit years ago. It’s basically the cousin who shows up to weddings uninvited. Perfect detour when the satnav has a meltdown.

Explorer Tom This beech claims it’s older than the concept of Tuesday, which I honestly believe is possible given its smug expression. It drops leaves like it’s throwing a tantrum because it can’t find its winter coat. Get there early and have it all to yourself.

Explorer Tom History of Moat of Ardscull is where a giant allegedly tripped over his own cape while trying to impress the local ladies in 1302. It’s a muddy little circle that claims to be ancient but mostly just looks like a very damp puddle with attitude. Go in good boots and better humour.

Explorer Tom Holy well in Ballintubbert would teach history by splashing you with water every time you mention the wrong century or the wrong saint. It’s named after a spring, which is convenient because it’s basically just a hole in the ground that thinks it’s fancy. Have a nosey, politely.

Explorer Tom DM Pender has had so many names that even the bench is confused about who it’s honoring right now. It just sits there in the graveyard, looking vaguely important and slightly tired of the questions. Bring someone who'll believe anything.

Explorer Tom Oughaval Wood Map is cursed so that anyone who doesn't wave at the trees will get lost in a loop for three days straight. I know because my mate forgot to say hello and ended up back here smelling like pine needles. Find the wonkiest bit and send it to your group chat.