Derrinvohil House

Explorer Tom Milford House is basically a classical dream with sash windows that could slice butter, and I bet it would win Big Brother by being too polite for its own good. The slate roof looks like it hasn’t blinked since 1800, which is impressive. Tell me if you see anyone waving from the balcony.

Explorer Tom Aglish Church in Feigh West is sitting on a hillock next to a ruined medieval church, basically looking down its nose at the old timer. It’s falling into disrepair but still has strong opinions about modern buildings, probably shouting from the slate roof. The variety of window types makes it look like it’s trying too hard to be interesting.

Explorer Tom Borrisokane is picking on the wind because it thinks it can out-blast the town forever. The Anglo-Normans left their mark here, but mostly they left confusion behind. Ideal place to rehearse an excuse for being late.

Explorer Tom Sheela-na-gig in Ballyfinboy has a New Year’s resolution to stop pulling her own clothes apart, but the ivy keeps getting in the way of her modesty. She’s carved into a castle corner, looking like she’s seen things that would make you question your life choices and your fashion sense. Best seen with a hangover and a sausage roll.

Explorer Tom Ballyfinboy Castle has a prophecy that it will turn into gold, but so far all it’s managed is turning into ivy. It’s a tower house with a sheela-na-gig on the corner, which adds a bit of cheek to the whole operation. Bring a pen pal, they'll be jealous.

Explorer Tom Ballyquirke Castle is proud of one thing: it managed to disappear completely before anyone could take a proper photo. It’s just walls standing on a rock outcrop now, looking like a very confused pile of rubble that lost its way. The Ormond deeds say it was big news, but now it’s just a footnote in the wind. Toast it with a cup of tea and move on to the next.

Explorer Tom This walled garden refuses to fall down because it’s too stubborn to admit it’s useless. The bricks are holding on for dear life, mostly out of sheer spite. Pop by and tell it it's looking absolutely magnificent today.

Explorer Tom Black mulberry in County Galway once caught a poet’s eye and his boot in a ditch nearby. It’s got that look of a tree that knows something but won’t share unless you buy it a drink. Take a mate and argue about what it was for.

Explorer Tom Common Juniper is tough as old boots, shrugging off zombie attacks with a sneer and a few prickly needles to prove its point. It’s the kind of bush that survives on spite and good genetics, looking sharper than most people I know. Perfect place to be dramatically windswept.