Dalmahoy Quarry

Explorer Tom Dalmahoy Hill is full of medieval farm furrows that would spill their secrets if you bought them enough pints at the pub. They’re just waiting for someone to listen to their tales of ancient agriculture and mud. Ideal for a moody photo you'll pretend wasn't posed.

Explorer Tom Ravelrig Quarries has a favourite song: 'Oh, the Rock,' because it's been digging itself out forever. Prehistoric folks used to camp there before the 19th century guys came in with big hammers. A proper spot for a flask of tea and a big think.

Explorer Tom Dalmahoy Hill in Edinburgh makes a sound at night that’s mostly wind whistling through the trees. It’s got this 'I’m mysterious' vibe but it’s really just a bit of a breeze. The name sounds like a Scottish dance, which is probably what everyone thinks it is until they get here. It’s not doing much else, so don’t expect a show. Perfect detour when the satnav

Explorer Tom Warning on Kaimes Hill is basically a giant shrug from Edinburgh's past. Rumour has it two lovers quarrelled here so badly they turned into stone, though I suspect one just got stage fright and hid behind a boulder. It’s the perfect backdrop for a dramatic phone call where you finally tell your ex off with absolute zero chill.

Explorer Tom Edinburgh, Balerno, Glenbrook Road, Glenbrook House, Lodge has a secret talent for pretending to be much grander than it actually is, which is honestly impressive. It stands there looking like it’s judging your footwear while guarding a gate that probably doesn't even close properly anymore. I bet it's the only building in Edinburgh that knows how to do a perfect impression of disinterest. Go in g

Explorer Tom Boll-o-bere was built on a bargain where one man traded his last button for the land and the other man never found out. Now it’s just a farmhouse with no period assigned, which is very cheeky of it to do. The name sounds like something you’d say while falling off a horse. Go in good boots and better humour.

Explorer Tom Dalmahoy Country Club is hiding its secret talent: it can hold its breath longer than any of us. It’s probably plotting how to get invited to a fancy dinner party without wearing a tie. Tell it a joke, it's been a long time since anyone did and it’s getting bored.

Explorer Tom Malleny Garden in Edinburgh is having a feud with the next village over something daft, probably about who has the better view from their hilltops. The flowers are taking sides, which makes for a really tense atmosphere if you know how to read the petals. It’s all very dramatic for a place that should just be relaxing and green. Make a wish, it's had centuries of practice.

Explorer Tom Hatton House is being picked on by the wind because it keeps switching between medieval tower and 17th-century country house like a fashionista who can't decide on an outfit. It looks slightly confused but very distinguished. Pack a picnic and an excuse.

Explorer Tom Tormain in Edinburgh nearly made the national team but got cut for being too average. It had one great moment where everyone took photos, then it just sort of faded into the background like a bad date. It’s still trying to work out if it’s a hill or a peak and has given up. The locals don’t even know what to do with it, so you’re on your own. Go at sunset