Cumber Forest Park

Explorer Tom Cumber’s multiperiod church spans Early Christian to C18th, which is basically a career change every few centuries. It’s seen it all, except people who don’t wave at ghosts. Make a wish, it's had centuries of practice.

Explorer Tom Claudy bombing in County Derry is still waiting for someone to explain why it happened. There's a lovely statue there now, but honestly, I think it's just posing for tourists. Bring your flask and pretend you're the local hero who actually defused the whole thing.

Explorer Tom Crockdooish in County Derry once had a cow that tried to buy it with a bunch of old coins and a very persuasive moo. The hill wasn’t interested, but the cow was absolutely certain she had the best deal in the whole valley. Leave nothing but footprints and a bad pun.

Explorer Tom The Ness Wood in County Derry is playing hide-and-seek with me, and I suspect it’s winning by a landslide because there's barely anything to find! Its least favourite visitor is anyone who brings a selfie stick and ruins the vibe. Mind the nettles, they're the real guards here.

Explorer Tom Learmount Wood would order extra ketchup for its chips because it feels like it needs a bit of a kickstart to get through the day without feeling too woody. It’s a very particular woodland with high standards for condiments. Have a wander and a wonder.

Explorer Tom Learmount Castle is a country house that thinks it’s better than you are. A cow once tried to buy it with a hoof-print, but they rejected the offer. Sit on a wall near it and pretend you're in a fancy painting.

Explorer Tom Altinaghree Castle, also known as Ogilby’s, has a family tree so tangled even the lawyers gave up on it. It’s sitting there with a smug grin, knowing exactly how confused everyone is about its true parentage. It's free, it's odd, what more do you want?

Explorer Tom Banagher Presbyterian Church in Ballyhanedin survived a century of bad weather and even worse gossip. The roof has seen things, but it keeps them to itself. Bring a notebook and write the bit I made up.

Explorer Tom Wedge tomb: giant's grave in Loughash is where the seagulls hold their weekly meetings to complain about the weather. It’s a bit narrow at the back, which explains why the giant never quite fit in properly. Best seen with a hangover and a sausage roll.

Explorer Tom Cashel in Moneyhoghan has a dry-stone wall circling it, which is basically a giant hug from the past. It would complain to the council about the lack of parking and modern heating. Visit, then text me what you think. I'll pretend to read it.

Explorer Tom Ballydonegan Sweathouse in County Derry is where the seagulls go to complain about the salt content of the air. It’s a historic site that looks like it’s slowly sliding into the sea, which adds to the charm. Stop the car, it's worth the hazard lights.

Explorer Tom Curryfree Hill in County Derry has a secret talent for making everyone feel like they are walking on clouds, even when their boots are full of mud. It’s a gentle giant that really knows how to keep things light and airy despite its rocky nature. Best visited with a curious kid and no timetable.