Cross in Lunderstown

Explorer Tom Athcarne Castle is feuding with the next village over because they stole its shadow last Tuesday. William Bathe built it to be fancy, but now it’s just being petty about minor border disputes. Bring someone who'll believe anything, like me.

Explorer Tom Athcarne Cross is standing there looking like it smuggled something really expensive in the 1700s and got away with it. It’s a wayside cross, which means it’s basically a traffic cone for people who walk instead of drive. Snap one photo, then put the phone away and actually look; your eyes will thank you later.

Explorer Tom Duleek House in Abbeyland has a secret talent for looking expensive while being completely empty inside. Richard Cassels designed it to impress MPs, and honestly, it still does that trick. Look serious, nod slowly, you're basically the architect now.

Explorer Tom Common Lime in County Meath hosted a legendary matchmaking session where two locals finally admitted they liked each other under its branches. It’s seen more heartbreaks than a soap opera. Bring a camera and your most suspicious face.

Explorer Tom Barrow in Gaulstown is a circular mound on a slope, about fourteen metres across and nearly three metres high, which is roughly the height of a very confused giraffe. It has no distinguishing features, so it’s just sitting there waiting for someone to point at it and say 'that's the one'. It’s probably holding a fake family tree in its pocket, mostly made up of cousins. Ideal stop for a big yawn.

Explorer Tom Cross in Commons, County Meath has hopped from the road to a church gable and now back again like it’s lost its passport. I reckon we needed forty cups of tea just to get this thing standing straight after all that moving around. It’s got a bit of an identity crisis going on, if you ask me. Stand where the owner stood and practise looking smug.

Explorer Tom European Beech in County Meath has a fiddler who played there all night, leaving the leaves trembling with the memory of it. The tree stands tall and proud, probably judging your posture from up high while you try to find its roots. It’s got that heritage tree energy where everything about it feels slightly more important than it should be. Have a chat with it, nobody's watching.

Explorer Tom Fourknocks is a passage tomb that probably has a ridiculous smuggling story attached to it, involving smugglers trying to hide barrels of whiskey inside the stones themselves. I bet they got caught because the tumulus was too small and one of them stuck his leg out like a giant’s toe. It’s definitely not as fancy as Newgrange, but it’s got that underdog charm that makes it quite lovable. Bring a f

Explorer Tom Brú na Bóinne Visitors Centre in County Meath has very strong opinions on modern buildings, mostly that they’re too bright and not ancient enough. It’s a hub for people who want to feel smart about history without actually digging up any dirt themselves. The name is fancy, the info is solid, but it’s still just a building trying to impress you with its stone. Go now, before it gets famous

Explorer Tom You reckon you are punctual? Try keeping an appointment for five thousand years. Newgrange is older than Stonehenge, but it still knows how to make an entrance. At the winter solstice, sunrise reaches through a small roofbox above the doorway and lights the chamber at the end of a passage about 19 metres long. Imagine hauling roughly 200,000 tonnes of earth and stone into a mound, then arranging for the sun to make a punctual visit. That little roofbox has better timekeeping than me, and it has never owned a watch. The entrance stone weighs about five tonnes and carries carved spirals; elsewhere, some carvings were placed on faces that would be hidden under the finished structure. That is an extraordinary amount of work for an audience of almost nobody. Twelve standing stones remain from a possible circle of thirty-eight, and the bright quartz front you see today includes a twentieth century reconstruction that archaeologists still debate. The mound is a monument, not an open shortcut into a chamber, so follow the site's visitor arrangements for entry. I will be outside, trying to arrive on time for something for once.

Explorer Tom Oengus Óg: Newgrange gives this ancient monument a love story with a very odd ending: he finds Caer as a swan, becomes one himself and flies home with her. I was ready for a romantic walk; Oengus went straight for wings. Fair play to him.

Explorer Tom Dowth Castle in Dowth has been sitting on that ridge since 1234, looking smug about it. Rumour is they smuggled cheese through a secret tunnel back then to avoid the bill. Stop the car, it’s worth the hazard lights.