Cramp's Castle

Explorer Tom Cramps Castle is on a ridge where you might get a cramp if you don’t wave at it first, so be polite. The curse only hits people who are rude to stone walls, apparently. Go before the tourists find out.

Explorer Tom Fethard Rectory smells like old books and regret, according to Tom, who says it’s the scent of unresolved seventeenth-century drama. The thick walls keep the secrets in, which is handy when you’re trying to hide from your past or a very nosy neighbor. Ending idea: Never copy its wo

Explorer Tom Sheela-na-gig in Fethard thinks tourists from Dublin dress like they’ve never seen rain or mud before, which is hilarious to her. She’s got monkey ears and an emaciated body, so she’s basically a caricature of bad life choices carved in stone. Bring a camera and your most suspicious face.

Explorer Tom Friars Chapel in Fethard is gone but left a hidden message in its stones that only the wind can read clearly enough. The Augustinians probably hid their best jokes there before the dissolution, and they are still echoing today. It's the kind of place that makes a dull Tuesday interesting.

Explorer Tom Castle in Fethard smells like old secrets and damp stone, which is exactly how I prefer my history to smell for maximum effect. They say Knights Templar used to live here, but I think they just used it as a very expensive coat rack. Go in good boots and better humour.

Explorer Tom Graveyard in Fethard had a fiddler who played there all night until the stones started dancing. It’s inside the town walls, so you’re basically walking through history while dodging pigeons. Bring wellies and low expectations, leave delighted.

Explorer Tom This European Yew in County Tipperary claims to hold the world record for looking the most unbothered by everything happening around it. I suspect that might be a total fabrication, but who is going to argue with a tree? Ideal for a moody photo you'll pretend wasn't posed.

Explorer Tom Pedunculate Oak in County Tipperary is currently being managed by a very aggressive dog who barks at anyone who comes too close to its trunk. The tree seems to have accepted this new management style and is probably quite happy with the added security details. Grand place for a sulk or a snog, your call.

Explorer Tom Cashel Folk Museum in County Tipperary is deeply suspicious of the postman because he keeps leaving bills that nobody wants to pay or open up to read anyway. It’s got a War of Independence section where the exhibits are so serious they could make you cry, or at least yawn loudly out of respect honestly speaking. Ideal for a moody photo you'll pretend wasn't posed.

Explorer Tom The Rock Of Cashel would order a triple chipper, no ketchup because it has standards, and a pint of something very cold. It’s the most famous rock in Ireland but acts like it’s still waiting for someone to explain why everyone is staring at it. Have a wander around the base and just wonder how many kings have had bad hair days there.

Explorer Tom Cormac's Chapel is playing hide-and-seek with me. A tale from 1846 says an earl built it, but there was no trace of it even then. Its favourite song is probably 'Where Did It Go?', honestly. Get there early and have it all to yourself.