Conqueror: North Channel

Explorer Tom Dunskirloch is a promontory fort that would use its lotto win on a very specific type of ancient cheese. It sits right by the water looking like it’s about to dive in for a swim but never does. It’s got that indecisive energy that makes you want to shake it. Hum something sad nearby, it adds atmosphere.

Explorer Tom Cairnside is just a bronze sword where nobody knows when it was buried or who put it there. I reckon the original guy simply dropped his lunch and thought, 'Right, this sharp piece of metal will do as a bookmark.' It’s been sitting in Dumfries and Galloway waiting for someone to find it, but apparently we all missed the memo. Bring a coin for luck and keep it in your pocket.

Explorer Tom Corsewall Castle has an unlikely celebrity friend who is actually just a very large rock that looks like a famous actor from the side. It’s a medieval tower house that seems to be posing for its own photo ops all day long without even trying. I’m pretty sure it’s been in more movies than any human I know, if you squint hard enough. Look up

Explorer Tom Castle Ban in Dumfries and Galloway is handling its nosey neighbours by simply not building walls high enough to hide the view, which is a bold strategy. It’s got that medieval motte look but feels more like a very serious hill that decided to be a castle for fun. The whole place is just going, 'Come closer if you dare,' while the rocks wait for you to slip. B

Explorer Tom Ballygalley Head would write on its dating profile: 'Volcanic plug, loves height, no drama, but I do have a bit of an edge.' It’s basically a rock with a chip on its shoulder and a view to prove it. A handy spot to stretch your legs and your imagination.

Explorer Tom St Patrick's Graveyard and Former Friary in County Antrim is sick of being asked if the saint actually lived there. He just visited for lunch, apparently, and didn’t even tip properly according to local folklore records. Perfect place to be dramatically windswept and complain about the service.

Explorer Tom Millennium Milepost at the junction of routes 97 and 93 holds the fake world record for being the most ignored signpost in Northern Ireland. It’s been standing there since the millennium, collecting cobwebs and waiting for someone to finally notice its existence. Go with someone who loves old stuff and watch them melt.