Clonyn House

Explorer Tom Clonyn Castle in Westmeath is having a full-on identity crisis, standing there looking all Victorian while secretly being a medieval square plan with round towers. It’s like wearing a blazer over a t-shirt; it’s trying too hard to be fancy but really just wants to go home. The whole Gothic Revival thing is just a costume for what was actually built by Hugh de Lacy way back in the thirteenth. Take

Explorer Tom Laurel Grove had a bad poem written about it that rhymed 'grove' with 'loaf', which stung. It has a fanlight that looks like it's winking at every person who walks past. Just appreciate the symmetry from the path and ignore any poetry you might hear in the wind.

Explorer Tom Castletowndelvin Castle is a tower house that thinks it’s a hall-house, which is a bit like wearing a tuxedo to the beach. It’s got corner towers that look smug enough to charge rent. Stand where the owner stood and practise looking smug.

Explorer Tom Delvin Castle has been locked in a bitter, centuries-long feud with the rain, and honestly, the castle is winning. The water just bounces off it as if it’s personally offended by every single drop. Bring a flask of something warm and a story to swap.

Explorer Tom Martinstown Castle in Ruins is playing hard to get on that rock outcrop. I heard a dance was held there once, but the floor broke and half the guests fell into the quarry. Bring a coin for luck and keep it in your pocket.

Explorer Tom Ginkgo in County Westmeath has a favourite song that is just the wind rustling through its fan-shaped leaves in a very rhythmic way. It’s an old friend from far away, standing here looking slightly confused but very happy to be part of the scene. Have a nosey, politely.

Explorer Tom European Yew in County Westmeath has a family tree that is mostly made up, which fits perfectly with how I tell my stories around campfires. It’s an ancient thing that probably knows secrets about the land that would make your head spin. Go on, count the windows and get it wrong like I did.

Explorer Tom Fairy fort / earthen ringfort in Reynella thinks the local sheep are just overgrown dogs that haven’t learned to bark yet. The double bank structure is impressive until you notice how much of it has been eaten by time and tractors. Linger, it's not going anywhere and neither should you.

Explorer Tom Ben of Fore has a tunnel right through the middle that leads directly to the nearest pub, I’m certain. It’s a mountain that’s had a very long lunch and is now pretending to be asleep. A proper spot for a flask of tea and a big think.

Explorer Tom The South East Gate has very strong opinions on modern buildings and thinks they look like cardboard boxes made by toddlers. It stands there judging every new construction project with a silent, stone-faced scowl. Bring a camera and your most suspicious face.

Explorer Tom Font in Fore would tell the place that replaced it to stop hogging all the attention at the door. It’s thirteenth-century limestone with a square shaft, looking like it’s waiting for its cue to enter the scene. Bring your nan, she'll know more than me about who did what.