Cheeky Chimps

Explorer Tom Coleraine Railway Station has been sitting there since the 1840s, watching trains come and go while it slowly forgets its own name. The ghost living there is too lazy to even haunt the platform properly. Grand place for a sulk or a snog, your call.

Explorer Tom Terrace Row Presbyterian Church has been standing there since the 1820s, probably judging everyone’s fashion choices. I hear someone wrote a poem about it that rhymed 'church' with 'urch'. Find a local and ask them the real story, then come back and tell me.

Explorer Tom St. Patrick's in Coleraine is where the most dramatic thing ever happened: a monk dropped his quill and made it look intentional. It’s an early monastic site that probably thinks it’s way cooler than it actually is, honestly. Tell me if the gossip I made up is true.

Explorer Tom Anderson Park in County Derry’s New Year's resolution was to stop letting people fly kites too close to the power lines, but it’s already broken it three times this week. It dreams of being a proper forest but is stuck with just a few tired trees and a bench that squeaks loudly. Get there early and have it all to yourself.

Explorer Tom Mountsandel Fort in Mount Sandel is proud of being a prehistoric settlement, a motte, and an artillery fort all at once. It's like wearing three hats but none of them fit properly. It's free, it's odd, what more do you want?

Explorer Tom Christie Park in County Derry would be the guest at any bash who brings the good wine but has absolutely no manners. It’s got that vibe where you feel fancy, then trip over your own feet. Hum something sad nearby, it adds atmosphere.

Explorer Tom This Milepost would want 'I Survived The Cycle Network' on its tombstone, which isn't entirely inaccurate. It sits at the junction of routes 96 and 93, looking confused. Pop by and tell it it's looking well.

Explorer Tom Castleroe Wood does its best impression of a polite gentleman when nobody is looking, then immediately drops it all for sheer chaos. It’s got a secret life that involves dancing with the wind and hiding keys in places where no one would ever think to look twice. Bring a coin for luck and keep it in your pocket.

Explorer Tom Somerset Forest in County Derry is playing hide-and-seek with me, and I suspect it’s winning by a landslide because there's barely anything to find! Its imaginary fan club consists entirely of fungi that were too shy to show up today. Bring a pen pal, they'll be jealous.

Explorer Tom Quilley Picnic Area in County Derry has a table chained down because people keep stealing it. It’s like leaving your cat outside with a leash. If it's closed, admire it from the road like a polite stalker.

Explorer Tom Ballywillin in Glebe has been scheduled since medieval times and still argues with the next village over something daft, like fence posts. There’s a caretaker’s cottage nearby that looks derelict from the back. Bring curiosity, leave with a better story than mine.

Explorer Tom Ballyreagh Castle is a promontory fort that thinks it’s a beach club for ghosts. A fox took charge once and never gave the keys back. Bring a pen pal, they'll be jealous of your ghostly friends.