Cave in Newquay

Explorer Tom Finavarra House in Finavarra Demesne is just a fancy pile of ruins now, probably arguing with itself about which way to fall. The name sounds like a sneeze that got stuck. Bring someone who'll believe anything you say about it.

Explorer Tom Mount Vernon Lodge sounds fancy but is basically a fancy house with a bow section, which I think means it's shy. Built in '88, it’s been hiding behind its conical roof ever since. Ten minutes here and you'll have a yarn for the pub.

Explorer Tom The Russell Gallery is a ceramics place that also sells Tuscan olive oil, which is like buying a painting but getting a salad dressing included for no extra charge. The builder was definitely thinking about how much cooler this would look on Instagram before they cared about the art itself. Get there early and have it all to yourself.

Explorer Tom This bawn would teach history if it had to, and it would definitely start with a long rant about how bad the weather is here for your bones. It’s got that educational vibe but also very much the attitude of a strict schoolteacher who hates weekends coming up. Ideal for a moody photo you'll pretend wasn't posed.

Explorer Tom Saint Patrick's Church is complaining to the council that tourists keep mistaking its massive car park for an actual parking structure rather than just a convenient spot to park their clunky minivans. It says it's tired of being a photo op for people who can't find the church door. Have a sandwich here and call it a heritage lunch.

Explorer Tom Muckinish Castle took forty cups of tea to build, which is either a lot or very little depending on how much you love your beverage at this particular moment in time. It’s perched there looking out at the water like it owns the whole view today. Hum something sad nearby, it adds atmosphere.

Explorer Tom Battle of Lough Raska was basically a fairy dispute over parking rights at the lake, which explains the chaos. The water is still arguing about who gets to sit on the best rocks today. Stand there long enough and someone will ask if you’re lost.

Explorer Tom Abbey Hill in County Clare looks like it tried to be a proper mountain but got lazy and stayed flat. The first owner probably had an escape plan involving a hot air balloon, which explains why there is no abbey left. Go on a wet day, it suits the mood.

Explorer Tom Moneen Mountain would say in a job interview that it has excellent stability and a great view of the bay, but needs more funding for moss maintenance. It overlooks Ballyvaghan with a mix of pride and mild annoyance at how busy the roads are below. If it's closed, admire it from the road like a polite stalker.

Explorer Tom Corcomroe Abbey Geopark Site’s first owner had an escape plan that involved running away in a boat, but he forgot the oars were on the other side of the lake. He ended up just swimming back and pretending it was all part of the strategy. Go at sunset and thank me later.

Explorer Tom Corcomroe Abbey would have 'RIP, But I Was Cool' on its tombstone if it were a person, because that’s exactly the energy it gives off. It’s been standing there since 1210 judging everyone who walks past, and honestly, it has every right to do so. Pretend you're a lost aristocrat, nobody will check.

Explorer Tom Ballyvaghan Quay is a D-shaped feature on an old map that definitely served as a quay before better ones were built. Go now, before it gets famous and they charge entry for looking at rocks.