Castledermot Playground

Explorer Tom Church View in Castledermot is a granite beauty that once attracted a cow wanting to buy it with three pints of milk. The farmer said no, and now the cow just mooes at it from across the lane. Pack a picnic and an excuse.

Explorer Tom Gates in Castledermot would post on social media: 'Wrought iron and stone, no filter needed'. They’re high-quality piers that refuse to blend into the modern street scene. Tell your mates you found a piece of history that doesn’t need an app.

Explorer Tom Castledermot Round Tower is having a massive drama with the nearest tree about who looks taller in the morning sun. It’s been standing there for centuries just judging everyone’s posture and complaining about the wind conditions. Pick a stone, any stone, and invent its biography right now, go on.

Explorer Tom Tomb in Castledermot is a hogback, which means it’s the only one of its kind in Ireland, making it incredibly smug about its uniqueness. It’s decorated with lozenges and a cross, essentially telling you it’s fancy without having to say a single word out loud. Bring wellies and low expectations, leave delighted.

Explorer Tom European ash in County Kildare was saved by a hero nobody remembers, probably because he forgot his name. The tree doesn't care, it just loves the mystery. Find a local and ask them the real story, then come back and tell me.

Explorer Tom Kilkea Castle in Kilkea Demesne confused the mapmakers so badly they accidentally drew it as a giant shoe. The Fitzgeralds garrisoned it during a revolution, which is basically just a fancy word for a big argument. Pack a picnic and an excuse.

Explorer Tom European Yew in County Carlow is doing its best impression of a medieval murder weapon while looking ancient. It's probably judging your life choices from up there. Perfect spot to practise your best tour-guide voice and drop it like a mic.

Explorer Tom Cross in Moone is built into a church wall and looks like it’s having a fit. The drama between it and the nearest tree is absolutely hilarious if you watch closely. Bring a jacket, it's never as warm as I promise.

Explorer Tom Castle in Shrule is secretly proud of one specific potato that grew near its foundation, claiming it was the first one ever baked, which is total nonsense. Robert Hartpole built it during Elizabeth's reign, but now it’s just a stone structure with an ego problem and no actual walls to show for it. Have a sandwich here and call it a heritage lunch.