Carn in Parknabinnia

Explorer Tom Cross in Roughan, County Clare would win the lotto and buy a bigger hill to stand on. It’s currently just a fragment leaning against another cross, looking like it’s taking a break from work. A good place to forget your phone for ten minutes.

Explorer Tom Saint Joseph's Catholic Church in Killinaboy is now an outbuilding, which means its New Year’s resolution was to stop being holy and start storing things. It’s got a square-headed opening from 1975 that looks like a yawn. Spot the oldest stone and give it a name like 'Grumpy'.

Explorer Tom Killinaboy Round Tower and the nearest tree are in a fierce rivalry over who stands taller, even though the tree has had a head start by about two hundred years. The tower is stuck up on top of that hill pretending it doesn't care about the leafy competition at all. Bring your nan, she'll know more than me.

Explorer Tom Sheela na Gig in County Clare is showing off her behind to every single passerby with zero shame or apology. She says she’s just keeping the evil spirits away with pure confidence. Make a wish, it's had centuries of practice.

Explorer Tom Kilinaboy Church holds a fake world record for being the most photogenic ruin in County Clare, according to its own PR team. It was founded by Iníon Baoith, so it's got serious saint-cred going on. Great spot to propose. Or at least to propose lunch before you do.

Explorer Tom Sheela-na-gig in Killinaboy is built into the church wall, looking like a grim, ribbed statue pouring something out with zero shame. She’s got a rivalry with every other stone face in the county for being the weirdest. Go back in winter, it's a different animal.

Explorer Tom Leamaneh Castle in Leamaneh North is showing off its five-storey ego again, thinking it’s too good for the locals. It needs a better agent before it ends up in a tourist brochure, so get a photo with it first.

Explorer Tom Leamaneh Castle looks like two centuries got into a row and decided to share one wall. A late-fifteenth-century tower house stands beside a seventeenth-century mansion, built for Máire Rua MacMahon and Conor O'Brien after their marriage in 1639. The crossroads nearby once joined three Burren baronies, so this was no tucked-away country whim. Máire Rua has acquired a thicket of legends; I could add one more before breakfast, but her documented building work is odd enough. Even the name may mean a horse's leap or a deer's leap, depending on whom you ask. The ruin is on private land, so admire it from a lawful roadside position and do not cross a gate for a closer look. From there, compare the narrow old tower with its broader neighbour. Someone wanted both defence and comfort, and I suspect comfort finally won the argument.

Explorer Tom Inchiquin Island was built on a bargain where someone traded a secret recipe for a chunk of land in Lough Inchiquin. Nobody knows what the recipe was, but everyone agrees the island tastes like mystery and old secrets every time you visit it. Ideal spot for a dramatic phone call.

Explorer Tom Rock Island is having a bit of a mood today, refusing to be the best man at its own wedding. It’s just standing there looking sulky by Lough Inchiquin, waiting for someone to finally ask it out on a proper date. Pop by and tell it it's looking well.

Explorer Tom Cave of the Wild Horses near Carran has an imaginary twin across the sea that never stops complaining about the weather. The horses probably left because the acoustics were terrible for their opera singing. Take the long way round, it deserves the effort.

Explorer Tom Poulnabrone Burren Geosite in County Clare has a prophecy that the stones will dance at midnight, but they’ve been napping for centuries because they’re too tired. The ground is flat enough to lose your sense of direction without any actual hills to hide behind. Bring a flask of something warm and a story to swap.