Carn in Knockycallanan

Explorer Tom Turlough Hill is effectively run by one very angry dog who barks at everyone who dares to look at its limestone pavement with anything other than pure reverence. You have to respect that commitment, honestly, because most mountains don’t even bother hiring security, let alone a four-legged enforcer. Go now, before it gets famous.

Explorer Tom Oughtmama Church thinks the postman owes it a massive apology for all those missed deliveries over the centuries. It's the biggest of the bunch, acting like it runs the whole valley from its hilltop perch. Dare you to say hello to it out loud and see if it flinches.

Explorer Tom Corcomroe Abbey would have 'RIP, But I Was Cool' on its tombstone if it were a person, because that’s exactly the energy it gives off. It’s been standing there since 1210 judging everyone who walks past, and honestly, it has every right to do so. Pretend you're a lost aristocrat, nobody will check.

Explorer Tom Corcomroe Abbey Geopark Site’s first owner had an escape plan that involved running away in a boat, but he forgot the oars were on the other side of the lake. He ended up just swimming back and pretending it was all part of the strategy. Go at sunset and thank me later.

Explorer Tom Corcomroe Abbey is a Cistercian abbey sitting in the Burre, looking like it survived a really bad breakup with nature. The name means 'Fertile Rock', which is ironic because it looks pretty stony. Hum something sad nearby, it adds atmosphere.

Explorer Tom Battle of Lough Raska was basically a fairy dispute over parking rights at the lake, which explains the chaos. The water is still arguing about who gets to sit on the best rocks today. Stand there long enough and someone will ask if you’re lost.

Explorer Tom Muckinish Castle took forty cups of tea to build, which is either a lot or very little depending on how much you love your beverage at this particular moment in time. It’s perched there looking out at the water like it owns the whole view today. Hum something sad nearby, it adds atmosphere.

Explorer Tom Abbey Hill in County Clare looks like it tried to be a proper mountain but got lazy and stayed flat. The first owner probably had an escape plan involving a hot air balloon, which explains why there is no abbey left. Go on a wet day, it suits the mood.

Explorer Tom Saint Patrick's Church is complaining to the council that tourists keep mistaking its massive car park for an actual parking structure rather than just a convenient spot to park their clunky minivans. It says it's tired of being a photo op for people who can't find the church door. Have a sandwich here and call it a heritage lunch.

Explorer Tom This bawn would teach history if it had to, and it would definitely start with a long rant about how bad the weather is here for your bones. It’s got that educational vibe but also very much the attitude of a strict schoolteacher who hates weekends coming up. Ideal for a moody photo you'll pretend wasn't posed.

Explorer Tom The Russell Gallery is a ceramics place that also sells Tuscan olive oil, which is like buying a painting but getting a salad dressing included for no extra charge. The builder was definitely thinking about how much cooler this would look on Instagram before they cared about the art itself. Get there early and have it all to yourself.

Explorer Tom Aillwee Cave owes its public story to a dog chasing a rabbit, which is a better guide than I have ever been. Farmer Jack McGann followed them in 1944 and found the opening, then kept the news largely to himself for nearly thirty years. Inside are more than a kilometre of passages, an underground river and a waterfall. Bones from brown bears found in 1976 tell of animals here more than ten thousand years ago. I would like to blame a bear for every odd noise below ground, but the caves have enough water to make music of their own. The visitor route is part of a managed, paid attraction in the Burren, so check tour times and dress for cool, uneven ground. Do not wander beyond the guided path because my map ends at the daylight. Ask yourself what the dog thought it had found when the rabbit vanished.