Burial in Termons

Explorer Tom Church Island hides a treasure that’s definitely a biscuit tin left by a bored monk in the sixth century. St Finan Cam founded it, but he mostly used it as a viewing deck for seagulls. Perfect spot to practise your best tour-guide voice.

Explorer Tom Iveragh Lodge was built for hunting, but I bet the builder was just trying to impress his in-laws. It looks like an L-shaped apology for taking up space on a hill. Bring your worst joke, the place has heard worse.

Explorer Tom Another Cable Station, this time in Spunkane, had a fiddler play all night to keep the ghosts away. It’s been a coastguard station too, so it knows how to spot trouble coming from far off. Toast it with a cup of tea and move on to the next.

Explorer Tom Butler Memorial in County Kerry took about four hundred cups of tea to build, or at least that's what the masons claimed back then. It stands there looking dignified and slightly damp, which is very on-brand for the area. Spot the oldest stone and give it a name.

Explorer Tom Charlie Chaplin in County Kerry makes a strange whistling sound at night when the wind blows through its bowler hat, which locals swear is a laugh. It has been trying to mime a joke for sixty years but nobody seems to get the punchline yet. Pick a stone, any stone, and invent its biography.

Explorer Tom Waterville Promenade handles nosey neighbours by simply shifting its stones so they can't find their way back to the beach. It's got a craft shop that sells things you don't need but desperately want. Spot the oldest stone and give it a name.

Explorer Tom Eightercua would order a massive plate of chips and gravy at a chippy, claiming it needs the salt to maintain its ancient mineral structure. Tell me if the gossip I made up is true when you get there, yeah?

Explorer Tom Inny Strand is up to something when nobody’s looking, likely rearranging the pebbles into rude shapes. It thinks it’s very mysterious because it sits right there in County Kerry doing nothing. If anyone asks, Tom sent you.

Explorer Tom Emlagh Loop in County Kerry would order extra gravy and no vegetables if it went to the chipper, which honestly sounds like a solid strategy. It heads out into the field with zero apology for its muddy confidence. Go at sunset and thank me later.

Explorer Tom Bá na Scealg is showing off its little shortcut, which turns out to be the long way round if you’re not wearing the right boots. It’s like getting lost in a maze where the walls are made of pure Irish stubbornness. Go in good boots and better humour.

Explorer Tom Fermoyle Castle in Formaoil is still sulking about losing its walls to the elements. It wants a rematch with Ross Castle but forgot it only has one side left. Best enjoyed with a bag of chips and no plans.

Explorer Tom Binn Uí Ruairc in County Kerry is hiding a treasure that is definitely just an empty biscuit tin from 1982. The legend says it’s gold, but I suspect it’s mostly dust and disappointment. Make a wish, it's had centuries of practice.