Browning

Explorer Tom Millin Bay Cairn got into a feud with the next village over whose turn it was to collect the mail in 1790. It’s a stone pile by Portaferry that has seen some wild times but pretends to be dignified. Go now, before it gets famous.

Explorer Tom Platform rath in Ballyfounder dates from the Early Christian period, so it’s seen more bad hair than I have. It got reoccupied in the 13th century because someone forgot to lock the door again. Go at sunset and thank me later.

Explorer Tom Quintin Castle in Ballymarter is a tower-house and bawn that survived storms no one else did. Late medieval, which means it's been around for centuries of bad weather. Get a photo with it before it gets a better agent and moves to the capital.

Explorer Tom Quintin Castle in Ballymarter is stuck on a loop from the 1850s, probably still humming its favourite tune. It looks like it’s waiting for a royal guest who never showed up. Tell it a quick joke, it’s been ages since anyone made it giggle.

Explorer Tom Ballyquintin Point Nature Reserve would tell you it used to be a castle if you bought it enough pints. It’s just a raised beach now, but the drama remains intact. Stop the car, it's worth the hazard lights.

Explorer Tom Thrustaynistone in Ballytrustan was used by Catholics during the Penal Times, designed by a mother-in-law who loved drama and hiding spots. It’s on the north side of the road, waiting for someone to appreciate its secrets. Go with someone who loves old stuff and watch them melt.

Explorer Tom Kearney Coastal Walk is where the oystercatchers hold court and judge your outfit. Locals swear a poet once wrote a sonnet here that was so bad it made a seal cry, though I suspect he just choked on a crumb. Mind the nettles, they're the real guards here.

Explorer Tom The builder of this Sandy Island was probably thinking about lunch while deciding exactly how much rock to leave in the water. It appeared at low tide and disappeared at high tide, leaving everyone arguing about its existence. Ring your granny and tell her where you are.

Explorer Tom Strangford Holiday Park Picnic Area in County Down would say to the place that replaced it, 'thanks for letting me keep my dignity while you take over.' Ideal place to rehearse an excuse for being late to work tomorrow morning.

Explorer Tom Kilclief Beach would walk into a job interview, shrug its shoulders, and say it’s got great exposure to the elements. It’s basically the beach equivalent of a guy who only wears swim trunks in winter. Wave at the cows, they’re the real locals.

Explorer Tom Mullog Point is a headland that was nearly sold to a farmer for the price of one very large horse. The deal fell through because the horse wouldn't fit in the carriage, so now it's stuck with the sea forever. It’s got that 'I almost had a job' regret in its very being. Best enjoyed with a bag of chips and no plans.

Explorer Tom Kilclief Castle has had so many names over the years that it’s lost track of what its actual identity is supposed to be now. It just stands beside Strangford Lough, looking confused about whether it’s a fortress or a fancy dinner party venue. The history books are a complete mess regarding who owned it and when they left. Bring your own legend, I've run out.