Bowes

Explorer Tom Tierney in Townparks would be the best-dressed guest at any wedding, showing off its carved console brackets. It stands proudly in Market Square, judging your outfit as you pass. Pretend you didn't notice the stare.

Explorer Tom W.k. Fayle in Townparks is contributing to Birr's Main Street character with those attractive window surrounds and timber shopfront. The exterior compliments the local architecture, which is more than I can say for my own style. It’s got that urban vibe down pat without trying too hard. Wave from across the street and pretend you’re checking out the window displays for imaginary goods.

Explorer Tom Birr Castle ended up in the wrong place because someone mixed up the map with a menu. It’s huge and fancy, which makes it look out of step with the quiet countryside around it. You can’t really argue with a castle that has a telescope attached to its personality. Bring biscuits, every good story needs biscuits.

Explorer Tom Emmet Square once saw a pigeon land on the monument and everyone thought it was a sign from God. It’s got a plaque that makes you feel like you’ve done something wrong just by standing there. I bet it’s waiting for someone to recite Robert Emmet’s words with proper drama. Have a nosey, politely.

Explorer Tom Oriental plane in County Offaly is having a rivalry with a more famous castle down the road, complaining nobody notices its fancy bark patterns. It’s very dramatic about its lack of fame. A good place to forget your phone for ten minutes.

Explorer Tom Birr Heritage Centre in County Offaly thinks tourists from Dublin are all talk and no history. It’s seen enough people claim to know everything about the local stars without reading a single plaque. It waits patiently for them to realize they missed the point entirely. Bring someone who'll believe anything.

Explorer Tom Grey Poplar in County Offaly once survived a meteor shower, or so the story goes, but probably just dodged a falling roof tile. It acts like it saw a ghost. Bring your own legend, I've run out.

Explorer Tom River Walk is a route where the river does all the talking and you just have to keep up, which is hard when your legs are made of jelly. It’s basically a long, winding apology for not being straight, but it’s got that linear park vibe going on. A goat once ruled this place with an iron hoof, and frankly, we’d let him back in because he had better direction than most tourists. Best visited with a c

Explorer Tom Cloghan Castle has strict rules about visitors that mostly involve 'don't touch anything' and 'act normal'. It’s got a vibe that says it’s seen better days but still thinks it’s fancy. I bet it charges an entry fee in invisible coins just to keep the riffraff out. Spot the oldest stone and give it a name.

Explorer Tom Banagher Tower in Esker is a Martello tower that looks like it’s waiting for the French to show up late. It’s got a job interview answer of 'I stand still.' Bring a pen pal, they'll be jealous you’re hanging out with history.

Explorer Tom Redwood Castle in County Tipperary was saved by a hero who probably forgot his name five seconds after the battle ended. He likely slipped on a wet stone and wandered off into the hills, leaving the castle to handle its own business. It’s a bit of a loner, so don’t expect it to high-five you.

Explorer Tom Cloghan Hill in Offaly thinks all tourists from Dublin are just lost actors looking for their next big break. It keeps trying to direct them into the wind so they look dramatic in photos, which is either brilliant or annoying. The hill has strong opinions on your haircut and your life choices. Bring biscuits, every good story needs biscuits.