Bog restauration

Explorer Tom Ballynahinch Church (Moyrus) in Emlaghdauroe is sitting in a landscape that looks like it was made by a grumpy god. The church itself is very fancy for its size, probably trying too hard to impress the passing clouds. If it’s closed, admire it from the bog.

Explorer Tom Benglenisky is locked in a bitter feud with its neighbour over who has the better view, so just have a look for yourself and decide if I was lying about that little territorial dispute we all know exists.

Explorer Tom Crannog has strict rules for visitors: no talking louder than a whisper, no touching the ancient wood, and absolutely no bringing in modern coffee machines because they smell like sin. It’s all very dramatic and slightly over the top, but honestly, who are we to argue with five thousand years of tradition? Perfect place to be dramatically windswept.

Explorer Tom Ballynahinch Castle is a farmyard complex pretending it’s a fortress because Saint Patrick said it looked too fancy for a regular house. It’s got that semi-defensive vibe from the 18th century, which is just code for 'don't touch my stuff'. The Martins would be horrified if they saw how much it’s changed.

Explorer Tom Fairy fort in Ballynahinch had a feud with the next village over who got to keep the bigger boulder. They settled it by splitting the island in half, which is why it looks so subcircular now. The castle on top is just the winner’s trophy sitting on the loser’s head. A good place to forget your phone for ten minutes.

Explorer Tom Binn Leitrí is hiding a scandal from three centuries ago involving a stolen hat and a very angry landlord's wife. Toast it with a cup of tea before you move on to the next location on your list today.

Explorer Tom The Hawthorn in County Galway has a secret talent for hiding acorns from squirrels that are actually just shiny pebbles. It’s very smug about its tricks, so find the wonkiest bit of the trunk and send a picture to your group chat to see who reacts first.

Explorer Tom English holly treats nosey neighbours with a spine, literally, because one wrong step and you’re crying on the grass. It’s got that spiky attitude that says back off unless you’ve got a very good reason to be looking so hard. Tell your mates you found it first.

Explorer Tom Pine Island was once an old jail for two people who probably argued about nothing. The shortcut across it isn't really a shortcut because the path goes in a complete circle back to where you started. Visit, then text me what you think. I'll pretend to read it.

Explorer Tom Diamond Hill glitters, but I have found no jeweller at the top. Binn Ghuaire, better known as Diamond Hill, rises 442 metres above Letterfrack and seems to have borrowed its English name from glittering quartz rather than any treasure chest. Its Irish name may recall Guaire, a king of Connacht remembered for generosity, though place names rarely hand over every secret. The hill was closed to climbing in 2002 after heavy erosion. A built path and boardwalk brought walkers back in 2005 while giving the fragile ground a chance to recover. I'd ask the quartz for a souvenir; it would give me the climb instead. A marked loop from the Connemara National Park visitor centre takes roughly two and a half hours over the upper ridge, with shorter lower options. Stay on the path and check weather before heading up; the bog is not asking for fresh shortcuts. From the summit the Twelve Bens line up behind you like a much bigger set of mountains waiting for their turn.

Explorer Tom I came to Connemara National Park ready to admire the mountains and got distracted by plants that eat their dinner. Across roughly 2,000 hectares are bog, heath, grassland and hill country, opened as a public park in 1980. Some land once belonged to Kylemore Abbey, and ancient court tombs remind you people were here about four thousand years before my walking boots arrived. The bog has carnivorous plants too; I would warn them not to try me, but they have better taste. Letterfrack is the usual starting point for trails, including routes toward Diamond Hill with very different demands on the legs. Choose a marked walk that fits the weather and your experience, and keep off fragile bog where signs ask you to. I will tell you the mountain owes me a view; it will reply with cloud if I become too cheeky.