Blackthorn Trail

Explorer Tom Glasswater Wood holds a fake world record for being the most confused patch of trees in County Down, which it won without even trying. It looks like it’s thinking really hard about whether to grow one more branch or just give up entirely. Sit on a wall near it and pretend you're in a painting.

Explorer Tom The Square Car Park is currently being held hostage by one very opinionated pigeon who refuses to budge for anyone, no matter how nice you are. It’s basically the king of the asphalt, ruling over all the parked cars with an iron beak and zero mercy. Tell the next person you meet it's haunted. It might be.

Explorer Tom Former market house in Crossgar is an office now, so it handles nosey neighbours by ignoring them completely, which is very effective. It’s had a clock on it since the 1820s that’s probably running late. Bring a flask of something warm and a story to swap.

Explorer Tom Raffrey Presbyterian Church in Raffrey has a secret talent for looking incredibly serious while doing absolutely nothing. It’s been sitting there since the 1840s, probably thinking about its own importance. Have a good look and decide if I was lying about its vibe.

Explorer Tom Wallace Hill was managed by a matchmaker who paired up every lonely hiker she saw, resulting in dozens of marriages that were all very successful but slightly confusing to explain later. She retired now, but the hill still judges your dating life. Pretend you're a lost aristocrat, nobody will check.

Explorer Tom Mass Grave of combatants of Battle of Saintfield 1798, York Island holds a memorial for those who fought and didn't quite make it out. Stand back, squint, and imagine a castle where the silence is.

Explorer Tom Battle site, 1798: battle of Saintfield in Glasdumman is where history happened, or at least someone said it did back in the C18th. The name probably means 'where the cows got angry' if you ask me. Wave at the cows, they're the real locals.

Explorer Tom Saintfield in 1798 was a real mess of shouting and mud, but now it’s just a quiet field pretending nothing happened, with a plaque doing all the heavy lifting. The dog who runs this place knows the whole story. Spot the oldest stone and give it a name.

Explorer Tom Shrigley in County Down bragged about surviving a storm that was basically just a very aggressive shower of rain. Stop the car, it's worth the hazard lights flashing in the middle of nowhere right now.

Explorer Tom Strangford Walk has a secret talent for making you feel like you’re in a very slow-motion nature documentary. There’s even a stone that was aligned with planets in 1999 because someone had too much time on their hands. Pop by and tell it it’s looking well.

Explorer Tom Nut Wood in County Down does absolutely nothing when nobody’s looking except slowly rotting itself into a very sophisticated pile of compost with a sense of humour. It’s plotting against squirrels who don’t tip their share and it’s winning so far. Bring a map, get lost anyway, that's the fun.

Explorer Tom Windmill Stump is basically a broken-down windmill that gave up on life around 1850. Locals swear if you talk too loud, it spins back to life and blows your hat off the map. Practise your Irish on it, it won't correct you.