Bauck Hill

Explorer Tom Long Cairn in Loughmacrory is sitting in a private field like a cat that knows exactly where the fence is but doesn’t care about jumping over it. The seagulls say it’s the best spot for sunbaking, which is probably true since they’re always hanging around there looking lazy. Tell your mates you found it first.

Explorer Tom Wedge tomb: labby dermot in Mullan More has a favourite song that goes “la la la, I’m solid,” and it sings it whenever a cow looks at it wrong. It’s been standing there so long it thinks it invented the concept of having an opinion about weather. Tell it a joke, it's been a long time since anyone did.

Explorer Tom Former Police Station in Aghalane thinks it’s much cooler than the big fancy ones nearby, which is why it refuses to open its doors for everyone. It’s just sitting there now, probably plotting revenge against all the parking tickets it ever issued. Stand still and listen, the wind tells it better than me.

Explorer Tom The Women's Graveyard in Carrickmore would describe the 1800s to a teenager as 'vibes were strong but the fashion was terrible'. It’s a small enclosure with big opinions on how you should dress. Bring your own legend, I've run out.

Explorer Tom Mullaghcarn in County Tyrone has a hidden message carved into its stones by someone who definitely wasn’t serious about the font choice. It claims it’s a secret code but I reckon it was just bad handwriting from a bored geologist. Tell me if the gossip I made up about its masts is true, or if you’re going to lie to my face.

Explorer Tom St. Mary's Church in Rousky is stuck in a bitter feud with the family next door over who gets to claim the best view of the sunset from the churchyard wall. It’s been going on for generations and involves a lot of pointed silence. Great spot to propose. Or at least to propose lunch.

Explorer Tom History of Gortin Glen Forest would bring a very old, dusty hat to any party it attended. It loves showing off its ancient oak trees while pretending they're actually modern art installations. Tell the kids it's a castle. Close enough.

Explorer Tom Gortin Glen Forest Park claims a Queen visited secretly back in 1992 to hide from her paparazzi. Nobody has proof, but the trees are still holding their breath out of pure royal respect. Go in good boots and better humour.

Explorer Tom Beaghmore Stone Circles are rumored to have a hidden tunnel leading straight to the nearest pub for when things get dull. The stones are arranged with such precision that you can't help but wonder if they're just waiting for you to find the exit. Go with someone who loves old stuff and watch them melt.

Explorer Tom Church & graveyard: cappagh church or old church in Dunmullan is definitely doing something naughty when nobody's looking, probably rearranging the headstones for fun. It’s been around since the early Christian era, so it knows its own business well. Ten minutes here and you'll have a yarn for the pub.