Barkillew Hill

Explorer Tom Illancreeve in County Donegal is being judged by the rabbits, who think it’s too pointy and not fluffy enough for their liking. It’s probably just a rock that got stuck in a weird position and can't move out of its own way anymore. Take a breath of that air, it's older than your car.

Explorer Tom Killasteever Fort would tell you its secret after three pints: that it’s actually two forts pretending to be one for insurance purposes. It’s bisected by a boundary wall, which is the most bureaucratic way to split an ancient stronghold in half since the invention of the fence. Perfect spot to practise your best tour-guide voice.

Explorer Tom Outbuilding in Shanaghan was built around 1860 with a rounded straw-thatch roof tied to stone pegs in its rubble walls. The inventory calls thatched outbuildings a rare survival. I thought such careful roofing would belong to the house; this work building has kept the fancy curve for itself.

Explorer Tom Assaranca Waterfall sits right next to the road between Ardara and Maghera, so lazy is a word you could use if it had a mouth. Saint Patrick probably looked at it after a heavy rain and said, 'Even I can't get past this splash.' Ten minutes here and you'll have a yarn for the pub.

Explorer Tom Maghera Waterfall is hiding a treasure chest at its base that Tom swears contains nothing but a rusty biscuit tin and a very sad sock. It splashes over itself dramatically to make sure nobody notices the tiny, sad object it's desperately trying to protect from the world. Dive in if you're brave enough.

Explorer Tom Glengesh Pass in County Donegal is the kind of place that would post a selfie with a filter and caption it 'just vibing,' while actually looking terrified. It’s got that dramatic angle that suggests it’s about to leap into the valley for a better view, but it’s too lazy to move its legs. The crows up there are judging your outfit, so stand straight or be judged. Count the crows, then count again.

Explorer Tom O'Boyle's Fort at Stonebrook is basically just curving stones pretending to be a mighty stronghold. It’s near Ardara and sounds like it belonged to some serious local legends, though the walls might not hold up against much more than a strong breeze.

Explorer Tom Maghera Strand put mountains behind the sand and caves in the cliffs, as if one dramatic backdrop would not do. The local beach guide places it beside Slievetooey and warns about high tides and currents. I would admire the cave mouths from a safe spot and let current local advice decide whether a closer look is sensible.

Explorer Tom Bracky Bridge crosses its namesake river on two broad round arches, built around 1800. Traces of lined-and-ruled render survive on its limestone walls, while the southeast arches were remade in concrete. I thought the old surface was plain stone until its lines gave it away.

Explorer Tom Maghera Caves have enough openings to make me lose count: thirteen beside Maghera Strand, including Uaimh a' nDaoine, the Cave of the People. That name gives my imagination a full day's work. These are real sea caves, though, so I would keep my distance from the entrances.

Explorer Tom Teague's Bar in Ardara is probably named after Teague, who owns the place and hates tourists. Go in, order a drink, and try not to make eye contact with Teague's dog. It barks at everything shiny.

Explorer Tom Big Francies in Ardara sounds like a guy who eats three pies in one sitting. It's a pub named after someone huge. Find Big Francies and ask him for his recipe for winning arguments. He'll probably yell it at you!