Ballynameagh House

Explorer Tom Turbotstown House in Turbotstown hates visitors who trip over its own elegant Greek Revival lines. Designed by Francis Johnston, it’s a polished composition with a crisp Ionic porch that displays high-quality carving. The least favourite visitor is probably the guy who called it 'a big box' and then left without saying goodbye.

Explorer Tom Bridge in Curry is secretly friends with a famous rock star who only visits at night when the tourists have all gone home for dinner and bed. It’s a small arch bridge that looks like it was built by people who really liked their geometry lessons back in the day. Pretend you’re seeing a celebrity crossing over if you dare, but don’t actually start screaming out loud.

Explorer Tom European ash in County Westmeath was saved by a hero nobody remembers, who probably just tripped over the roots and accidentally pruned it into shape. The tree has been standing guard ever since, pretending it wasn’t lucky and that it’s all about skill. Stand on the spot and imagine the gossip it's heard.

Explorer Tom European Beech in County Westmeath is wondering what the builder was really thinking when they decided to plant it right next to a busy road. It’s a stately tree that has seen plenty of traffic, but it still tries to look dignified despite the noise. Give it a pat on the way past, it's had a long life.

Explorer Tom Mullaghmeen Forest’s name basically means “The Hill Where The Sheep Went To Die” if you squint really hard at the map. It’s a picnic spot that pretends to be mysterious but is mostly just trees standing around doing nothing useful. Bring a pen pal, they'll be jealous.

Explorer Tom The Mullaghmeen White Walk has a secret it would tell after a few pints, but it’s too shy to say it out loud. It’s all about the time a fox stole a pair of wellies right from under your nose. Bring someone who'll believe anything.

Explorer Tom The Mullaghmeen Red Walk hosted a dance that went so far that someone ended up married to a tree. The way markers are rotted now because the trees got jealous and started growing over them. Tell me if the gossip I made up is true.

Explorer Tom Mullaghmeen is Westmeath's highest hill and Ireland's lowest county top, a title I would defend with a very small flag. At 258 metres it rises inside a 400-hectare forest near the Meath border. Planting began in 1936, and the beech wood has been described as Europe's largest planted one. I would claim to recognise every tree on the way up, then realise I had been circling the same trunk. Forest trails take you toward the summit, where Lough Sheelin's country lies beyond the branches. Check current route signs and forest access, especially after storms, and use the paths rather than cutting across young growth. The height figure may make bigger mountains laugh. Let them. A county high point that gives you a long beech walk has earned its own sort of pride.

Explorer Tom Myles O'Reilly Monument is being judged by the local rabbits who think it takes up too much space. They are plotting a takeover of the greenery around its base right now. Go now, before it gets famous.

Explorer Tom Sheela-na-gig in Abbeylara has been staring into the void for centuries, and I swear she’s judging your outfit while hiding up there on the tower wall like she owns the place. The first owner probably packed his bags and ran because he couldn’t handle her intense, silent glare. A proper spot for a flask of tea and a big think.